


Change: A Journey of Struggle

by Nestaron



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-14
Updated: 2012-07-10
Packaged: 2017-11-07 18:26:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 27,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/434056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nestaron/pseuds/Nestaron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Non-Canon/Slash: Edward meets Jasper during his rebellious youth. A shared struggle draws them together as they fight to overcome their nature, and find love. What secrets are hidden in Jasper's past? And can Edward help him through his discovery?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Rare Change

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
> 
> All chapters are told in Jasper's Point-of-View.

**Chapter One: Rare Change**

Three weeks was too long a time for any vampire to go without feeding.  I was starting to feel like I was losing my mind, but the very thought of taking another human life is something that I can’t stomach.  I am also an empathy, which makes taking human life much more difficult for me.  I know that if I don’t feed soon that I will lose my mind completely and turn feral.  This outcome would be far worse then taking another life.  It would expose me to the humans, and in my weaken state I’d leave a trail of dead behind me.

_Curse my empathic abilities._ I had to feel them dying in my arms as I drank their life-giving essence.  I didn’t want this life, but I as good at it.  I had survived the odds and had lived through many battles.  I had the scars to prove it; they covered my body completely in crescent shapes that crisscrossed my skin.  I hated looking at my body in a mirror, and I especially did not like the look of my red eyes.  Thankfully my red eyes were the only unappealing feature of my face, other then two small scars.  One scar was located on my jaw near the right side of my chin and the other above my left eye.

The humans found me ‘ _beautiful’_ and were drawn to me.  It made me feel sick to think that this beauty they saw would lead to their death.  Each time I hunted I fell into a deep depression that would take several days to a week, sometimes longer, to pull myself out.  I had hoped when I left Maria a year ago that my depression would pass, but it had not changed.  Each and every time I hunted I fell into this accursed depression.  I knew it was because I could feel my prey dying in my arms.  Feel the fear, the terror as they felt their life drain from their body.

_‘This was all Maria’s fault,’_ my thoughts screamed.

If she had not changed me, I would not be this monster.  I started thinking of ways to kill her and make it painful if I should ever cross her path again.

_‘Maybe I will just leave her scarred instead of’_ \- my thoughts were interrupted as the air was violently expelled from my body and I was tackled to the ground.  I was about to retaliate when my attacker stopped.

He was suddenly very confused, why I don’t know.  He looked to be in his late teens with an unusual bronze colored hair; his eyes were black with thirst but filled with confusion.

_‘Why was he confused, and why did he stop attacking me?  He had to know that I was a vampire like him.’_

“I thought you were human,” He said. It was as if he were answering the question in my thoughts.  He nodded and then I was confused.

“I can read minds.  I thought you were human before I attacked you.  I heard your thoughts about killing Maria.  I don’t feed on the innocent ones,” He said.

I was furious now; this child had been listening in on my private thoughts.  I throw him off of me and pounce on him in the same second.

“Please, I’m sorry.  It’s not something I can control,” He begged.

I stopped my own attack and sighed.  I wasn’t that monster anymore, and he did not have the ability to control whose thoughts he heard; just like I did not have the control over whose emotions I felt.  I stood and extended my hand to help him up, he hesitated to take it.

“I’m sorry.  I should not have reacted that way.  It’s been three weeks since I last hunted and I’m lacking in control at the moment,” I said.

“It’s been two for me,” He said grimly as he extended his hand to take mine.

I was about to ask why he was suddenly feeling disgust, anguish and guilt when I felt an electric shock shot through my hand and up my arm from his touch.  Both of us quickly released each other’s hand and just stared at one another.

‘Did he just do that?  It was quite obvious that he at least felt it.’

“That... that was not me.  At least I do not think that was not me,” He said to answer my thoughts.

‘Okay that is going to get annoying.’

“Sorry, I can’t help it when I’m this hungry.” he replied.

I ran a hand through my blond curly hair and sighed.  We both stood there and stared at each other for a moment.

“Edward.”

I raised an eyebrow.

“My name,” he clarified.

“Oh, Jasper,” I said.

“Nice to meet you Jasper, and um… sorry about the tackle,” Edward smiled. He had a very alluring crooked smile that I couldn’t help by admire.

“Its fine, but I would advise against doing that again.  You might end up with a missing limb or two,” I replied.

“I like my limbs attach, so you need not worry it won’t happen again,” Edward replied seriously.

“Are you on your own?” I asked.  I felt a wave of sadness roll off of him but when I looked at his face he was stoic.

“I’ve been on my own for almost four years,” he finally answered.

I felt his deep pain.  ‘Was he sad to be alone?  Why was he alone?’

Edward did not answer this time, but turned to leave.  I’m not sure why but I suddenly felt the urge to comfort him.  I place a hand on his shoulder, the electricity from earlier was back but I did not remove my hand.

“Edward, are you alright?  I can feel your sadness and pain.”

“I’m fine,” he said sharply and shrugged off my hand.

“No, you are not,” I countered.

Edward spun around to face me and I was shocked by the sudden anger in his eyes, but his most dominate feeling was helplessness and a feeling of being alone.  The emotion was so raw and intense that it took me a moment to keep from falling to my knees.  I had felt intense emotions before, but never this sudden.

Edward must have read my thoughts because he took an unneeded deep breath to calm himself.  “I’m sorry.  It’s just a long and sad story that you do not need to trouble yourself with.  I may not look it but I am old enough to take care of myself.”

“I am not disputing that you can take care of yourself Edward.  I am just offering to help . . .  to listen,” I replied.

Edward sighed, “Fine, but not here.  We should also probably hunt first.”

I nodded.   I did not know how much control I would need to make it through his story if all his emotions were going to be so intense.

“Sorry about that, I’ll try to keep better control of them,” Edward replied.

“It’s fine; after I feed I’ll be better able to control my reactions,” I said.

Edward was quiet for a moment, “Do you mind if I pick out the prey?  I don’t feed on the innocent ones; I prefer to go after the ‘human monsters’.” Edwards chuckled darkly.

I nodded.

Edward closed his eyes and I assumed he was listening to the human minds around us; he was looking for a specific type of mind.

Edward opened his eyes, and they were burning with rage.

“Two men,” He said through clenched teeth.

I nodded.

“They are following a young lady who just left the restaurant across the street and two blocks over,” He continued to speak through his teeth.

 I could also feel the rage rolling off of Edward as he read their minds.  He had quite the temper.

“They are going to…” - I interrupted him, “We will stop them before they can do anything to her,” I said.

“We need to get across the street.  We can move faster in the back alleys,” Edward said.  He had slightly more control of his voice.

He must be planning the hunt, which took his mind’s focus away from our intended prey.  Edward nodded at this and I followed him as we walked quickly at human speed out of the alley we were in and across the street to another.

“Edward, we need to do this before they get to her if you want her to live,” I said.  We couldn’t take the change that she would see us in our true nature, and I couldn’t guarantee that when the bloodlust took over that I could keep myself from feeding on her as well.

“We will not make it; they are nearly to her.” Edward voice was urgent, almost desperate.

“I do not have a lot of control when I hunt,” I said.

Edward suddenly changed course and scaled a nearby building, I followed after him.

“They are going to take her down an alley a block over.  You will drop down behind them so that the street light will just catch you slightly from the side.  One of the men should challenge you; he’s yours.  I’ll drop down beside the other man and the girl.  I’ll tell her to run and make sure she understands to run quickly and not look back,” Edward explained his plan.

 “Edward if she sees us kill them…,” -- Edward interrupted, -- “I know, but we will need to pull them deeper into the alley.”

“Fine, but if she sees or suspects anything Edward I want you to tell me.  Do I make myself clear?” I said sternly.

Edward hesitated, but then nodded.  He would tell me, I could tell from his emotions.

“There.” Edward said as point them out.

We had raced across the roof tops until we had reached the intended alley.  They had just grabbed the girl and were pulling her down the alley.  The man who was holding her was whispering in her ear that she was going to enjoy this just as much as they would.  It made me sick to hear the things this sadistic bastard was saying.  I could feel Edward’s temper flaring again; he could also hear them.

“Now,” Edward said when they reached the middle of the alley.  I dropped down behind them without a sound.

“Let her go,” I nearly growled.  I realized now why Edward wanted me to drop down in this location.  The light from the street lamps spread a slight glow around my body, giving me an almost ethereal appearance.

The men were startled but quickly recovered.

“You should leave before you get hurt boy,” The bigger man said.  I smiled at that useless threat, but he had no idea that he was facing a vampire and his death.

I laughed, “Are you going to be the one to hurt me?”

The man pulled out a knife and flicked it open.  “I’m going to enjoy gutting you.”

I just smirked, but I was anxious to see the look on his face when that knife broke on impact with my hard indestructible body.  Edward dropped down a moment later beside the other man and woman.

“You really should have listened,” Edward growled at the man.

He then grabbed the arm the man had around the woman and pulled it off of her.  Turning to the woman Edward spoke sternly and clearly, “Run, do not look back…”  The woman nodded, “Thank you,” She said and ran quickly past me and back on the street, she did not look back.

I leapt the distance between my prey and me, grabbing him.  He thrust the knife to my chest and the blade broken and shattered.  I laughed quietly as I pulled him into the dark and bit into his neck.  I heard Edward do the same.  At first the man whom I was feeding upon felt angry that the girl had gotten away and toward me for helping her escape, but those shift suddenly to pure terror as he watched the knife break and then it heightened when he felt my teeth sink into his flesh.  It took all my control to hold on to him and drain him completely.  I felt disgusted with myself afterward, though the man was a criminal and deserved death. I still had to feel his emotions while he died.

I was shocked to feel disgust and guilt coming from Edward moments later.

‘ _Why would he have such feelings?’_

“I can hear their last thoughts,” Edward replied to my unspoken question.

I think I now understood why he had felt so much guilt earlier in the night.

“I should never have left.  Carlisle was right,” Edward whispered to himself.  There was pain in his voice.

“Edward?”

Edward shook his head, “We need to dispose of the bodies.  I will explain later.”

I nodded and we set about disposed of the bodies.

“It will be dawn soon.  I know a place we can go to keep out of the sun,” Edward offered.

“Lead the way,” I replied.

We ran part of the way through the back alleys at vampire speed, but had to slow when we got to a nicer part of the city.  After a dozen blocks Edward led us around back of a modest sized two story red brick house.  I could not be sure but I thought I saw Edward pull a key from his pocket and unlock the door.  I was not paying attention to him at the time, but admiring the turn of the century house.  Edward ushered me in and then closed and locked the door behind him.

“I assume the owners will not be back anytime soon?” I asked, but Edward did not answer.

He led us to a sitting room that was nicely furnished, but had a fine layer of dust, but most of the furniture was cover with white sheets to protect it.  Whoever the owners were, they had been gone for sometime.  Edward drew the curtains and then took a seat on an uncovered sofa.  I sat across from him on another uncovered chair.

“This is…” Edward began, but changed his mind about what he was going to say.

“This was the home of my human parents before they died.”

“I’m sorry,” I said.

Edward’s emotions changed from calm to pain, sorrow, hurt, lost and finally acceptance.  They were a jumbled mess and their intensity was also varied.  For the second time in less then a day I felt the urge to comfort Edward. To take away his pain and tell him that everything would be alright, even thought I didn’t know what the cause was of his pain or how to fix it.  I moved to sit beside Edward and tentatively place an arm around his shoulder.  Edward leaned into me and rested his head on my shoulder and began to sob quietly.

I was at a lost for what to do or how to comfort him. I had never been in this type of situation before.  I may be an empath but my emotional experiences have been very limited.  I was not sure if he would be angry if I used my gift to calm him or if this emotional release is what he needed.  My mind debating the thought for several seconds before I finally decided that maybe Edward needed to get this out of his system on his own and that I should just hold him and listen when he was ready to speak.

I was not paying attention to the passage of time.  However, during that time the light outside grows brighter until the yellow rays of the sun streamed through the edges of the curtains.

“I miss them so much,” Edward whispered quietly.  His sobbing had stopped and he gently lifted his head off my shoulder.

“Thank you.”

“I am not sure I have done anything to deserve thanks,” I replied tentatively.

“I have needed to get that out of my system for a long time, Jasper.  You let me do that and you offered your support.  I want to tell you my story; that is if you are still willing to listen,” Edward said softly.

“I am listening.” I answered, and with that Edward began to speak.

_In 1918 the influenza hit here in Chicago.  My father was among the first wave of people to get sick.  At the time no one knew how deadly this illness would turn out.  He had a very high fever when he was admitted to the hospital.  He went to sleep and never woke up again._

 

_It was September when I became sick with the influenza, and my mother became sick with it at the same time; but it had not hit her as badly as it had me.  We were admitted to the hospital together.  There were not enough nurses or doctors to care for all the patients and so my mother nursed me herself.  In her vain attempt to save me it cost her, her life._

 

_There was a doctor who had become attached to my mother and me.  I remembered that he had treated my father and had tried unsuccessfully to save him.  During his shifts he made sure that my mother and I were looked after and spent a little extra time with us._

 

_He was very handsome, with blond hair and golden eyes.  His name was Carlisle Cullen.  Dr. Cullen was constantly trying to persuade my mother to rest, so that she would not put her own health in jeopardy.  She adamantly refused and would not leave my side unless he took over nursing me, which he did on many occasions._

 

_The fever and sickness were raging through my body and making me slip in and out of consciousness.  I was barely aware of what was going on around me much of the time.  My mother was fully aware of what was going on around us and she was very perceptive.  She knew that the majority of patients in my current state did not survive the illness and she refused to let me die.   Her efforts most likely kept me alive longer then other patients in a similar state._

 

_Dr. Cullen always worked the night shift and I remember vaguely my last night in the hospital.  He had come to see my mother and I immediately upon his arrival.  We were always the first and last patients he saw during his shifts._

 

_I remember him coming in and my mother speaking in a firm voice telling him to save me.  My own memory of the event is very vague, but from what I learned later my mother must have figured out that Dr. Cullen was not human._

 

_Her dying wish was that he save me the only way he could.  ‘What others cannot do, this is what you must do for my Edward.’  I remember waking for a brief movement and having the sensation of traveling at a very fast speed and the air around me was very cold._

 

_I awoke with a loud scream as a burning pain course through my body; it was the most excruciating pain I ever felt.  I thought I was being burned alive and was screaming for someone to kill me.  I remember clearly hearing Dr. Cullen’s voice telling me that it would be over soon and that I would not be sick anymore.  He said it was her dying wish and he was sorry for the pain that I was going through.  The pain was so intense that I did not care what he was saying.  I just wanted the pain, the burning, to stop._

 

Edward was still leaning into me, but lifted his gaze from the floor to my face.  Edward was calm, which surprised me.  I looked into his eyes and could see deep inside that he had accepted what had happened.

“I don’t know if she knew that Carlisle was a vampire or if she just knew he was not human and that he could some how save me.”

Edward looked back to the floor and continued his story.

_I was angry with Carlisle at first, and I did not understand what happened.  I was confused and to make matters worse I could hear his thoughts.  I did not know yet that I could read minds and his thoughts only made me angrier as he tried to figure out how to explain everything to me, keep me calm, and analysis my behavior._

 

_After a lot of yelling, mostly from me, Carlisle figured out I could read minds.  He promised to explain everything if I would try to remain calm.  When he told me he had turned me into a vampire I nearly lost all control.  I was furious that he had turned me into a monster and damned me to an eternity of hell.  Carlisle told me I did not have to be a monster, I doubted him at first, but I let him continue his explanation._

 

_He told me that he had never once feed on or hunted humans and that he survived on the blood of animals.  That was why his eyes were gold and not red.  It was also why he was able to be a doctor and help humans instead of killing them.  Carlisle is a truly compassionate being and believes in his ideals of not hunting humans, even the criminals._

Edward turned to look at me again and I was shocked.  My mind was filled with dozens of questions that I wanted to ask.

‘Do animals have emotions when they die?  Could he teach me how to hunt animals? What does animal blood taste like? What...’

Edward chuckled lightly, “I’ll answer your questions when I’m done with my story.”

I nodded, pleased that he would humor me.

_I followed Carlisle and his ideals.  It was hard to disagree with him.  After all he had over two-hundred years of experience and knowledge to counter each of my arguments.  I did not want to kill humans at first that came much later.  At first our discussions, or debates you might call them, centered on being a monster or our lack of a soul.  Carlisle of course disagreed with all my arguments but I did not give in on some of my beliefs._

 

_Carlisle told me his story and why he practiced medicine, why he did not kill humans and why he changed me.  You see Carlisle had been alone for most of his life as a vampire with the exception of a brief stay with the Volturi.  Aro had been quite fond of Carlisle and considers him a friend, even to this day._

I was now very intrigued and was curious to meet Carlisle.  He seemed like an extraordinary vampire.  I had never met any vampire, or human that compared to what Edward was telling me about him.  I had heard stories of the Volturi, the vampire royal family who enforced our laws, but I had never met any vampire from their coven.  I had a dozen more questions fill my now very active mind.  Edward sensing my growing curiosity said he was nearly finished with his story.

_As I said Carlisle was alone and part of why he changed me was because he wanted a companion.  Someone who he could talk to and discuss ideas with and who would know his true nature.  He at first looked for a companion who shared his ideals and his lifestyle of not feeding on humans among our kind.  When he found no one who shared those ideals he decide that he would create a companion, but he was loathsome to steal a life such as the way his had been stolen._

 

_He knew after my mother had died that I was alone and that is why he chose me.  My mother helped him decide with her dying wish, but Carlisle also said he acted out of selfishness and a desire to have a friend.  I viewed Carlisle as my father and he came to view me as his son.  He did tell me that if he could have ever had a son he would have wanted him to be like me._

“I doubt he feels that way now, not after what happened when I left.”  Edward said.

Edward paused and I felt so much pain, guilt, sorrow, and loneliness flow from him it was almost crippling.  I had the need to pull Edward tightly against me and I did so.  Edward leaned into me more and rested his head on my shoulder again.

“Sorry...  I really hurt Carlisle with my words.  I told him that it was his fault that I had this thirst that I could not sedate.  I told him it was his fault I was this monster, that I had lost my soul and that I would never see my human parents in the next life because there was no afterlife for me,” Edward said.

“Now it is too late to take it back,” Edward sighed.

_In 1921 Carlisle found Esme barely alive in the morgue at the hospital he was working at in Ashland Wisconsin.  We had moved there after leaving Chicago behind.  Carlisle had met Esme once before in 1911 while he was working in a small clinic in Columbus Ohio.  She had fallen out of a tree and broken her leg.  He had felt a connection to her then, but she was only sixteen at the time and Carlisle was confused by his feelings for her.  He was moving in a month and did not see her again until he found her in the morgue._

 

_She had fallen from a cliff and they left her for dead when she was brought to the hospital.  Carlisle raced home with her and changed her.  I was angry with him for not having asked me if I was ok with him changing her.  I was being selfish at the time and was afraid that I would lose my ‘time’ with Carlisle because of her._

 

_I could not stay angry with Carlisle for having saved the woman he loved.  It turned out that Esme was probably the best thing to happen to Carlisle and me.  She took on the role of a loving mother for me.  It was a role that I did not know I needed filled until she stepped into it.  We became a family, or as close to a real family as is possible for our kind.  To the outside world I was Carlisle’s brother, but at home I was their son and they were my parents._

 

_Carlisle_ _never treated us like a coven of vampires.  He treated us like a family and we each had an equal say in important decisions.  We moved to St. Paul Minnesota shortly after Esme joined the family.  Carlisle got a job at the hospital and I started taking correspondence studies in medicine.  I had thought of following in Carlisle foot steps and becoming a doctor like him._

Edward paused again and his pain spike for a moment before ebbing again slowly.  I held him tighter against me until he started speaking again.

_Esme eventually told us about her past after having met Carlisle in 1911.  He was always on her mind and she wondered what had happened to him after he had left Columbus.  There had been a connection there on her side as well.  She eventually married a man by the name of Charles Evenson._

I was shocked to feel Edward’s emotions changed to rage and anger.  I was about to question this when Edward continued speaking.

_Charles was a horrible husband and he would beat Esme.  Her own family turned a blind eye to it and told her she needed to be a better wife.  Charles had gone off to war and Esme was under the impression he had died.  She had moved to Ashland Wisconsin to stay with a cousin.  She was also pregnant with his child and was due soon.  She had a son, but he died shortly after he was born.  It was a few days later that Carlisle found her._

I suddenly realized that Esme did not ‘ _fall’_ from a cliff as Edward had said, but had most likely thrown herself from the cliff.  Edward stiffened for just a moment beside me, which confirmed my thoughts.  Edward sighed, but decided to continue his story.

_It was at this time that I starting having thoughts of using my gift of reading minds to hunt the human monsters who commit such horrible acts.  The truth was that I was annoyed with Carlisle for curbing my appetite and I was just looking for an excuse to sedate my thirst that no matter how much animal blood I drank never went away._

 

_I tried to reason with Carlisle at first explaining why I thought I could do this and that my gift would be important in passing over the innocent ones and only hunting those who were only slightly less worse monsters then I.  I thought that I would be free of the guilt.  If I followed a man down a dark alley where he was going to rape and murder a young girl then surely I was doing something good by saving her life._

 

_Sadly my human arrogance was one of my many traits that became amplified with my change; that and my temper seem to get the better of me at times and of course it happened during that conversation with Carlisle._

The pain from earlier filled the room with crippling intensity that I found it difficult to breathe. I hugged Edward tighter to my body and sent him an intense wave of calm.  He settled against me and continued his story.

_I said some very horrible things to Carlisle, thing that I regret and wish I could take back.  I saw the hurt on his face and in his eyes; the pain I caused by my words.  Carlisle did not stop me from leaving after that, but Esme tried and I told that it was best for me to leave.  I told her I needed to do this and left._

_Carlisle_ _was right, and I was wrong.  Every life is precious and should not be taken away no matter what a person has done.  There will be a time for them to answer for their actions and it is not my place to play God._

Edward pulled away from me and then he stood before leaving the room.  Part of me wanted to follow after him, but I was frozen in place.  I just sat there staring off into space.  I was absorbing everything Edward had shared with me.  It was the sound of a piano being played in another room that woke me from my daze.  I stood and followed the sound down the hallways and to another room.

Edward was seated at the piano and was playing a song that I’d never heard before; not that my knowledge of music was very vast to begin.

“It’s Pachelbel’s Cannon.  It was composed pre-1700 hundreds and published in 1919 after having been lost for centuries,” Edward said.

The music was relaxing.  I continued to listen as Edward played the song to its finish.  I was impressed that he knew how to play the piano.

“My mother taught me how to play.  I of course protested at first, but grew to love playing.  This piece is one of Esme’s favorites. I think my mother would have enjoyed it as well,” Edward said softly.

“Do you know any others?” I asked.

I felt stupid for asking that question after hearing Edward play several more songs that seemed to be far more complex.  I just sat and listed to him play several pieces.

“Do you think me a fool for having left them?” Edward finally asked.  He sat on the piano bench facing me.

‘Did I think him a fool?  No not a fool,’ I thought.

Edward raised an eyebrow questioning my thoughts.

“Sometimes people do not know what they have until it is gone,” I began to explain.

Edward made to speak, but stopped as if contemplating what I had said.  “That maybe true, but does that not make me a fool for having decided to leave it behind?”  He finally asked.

“No, because you did not know what you had until you left it.  You are only a fool if, now that you have this knowledge, you do not go back and try to regain what you once had,” I answered.

 

“It is not that easy,” Edward replied simply.

‘It is too that easy, stop being so stubborn!’  I thought, but did not give him time to reply as I launched into my explanation.

“I heard a story once of a man who had two sons.  The younger of which demanded his inheritance while his father was still living.  He goes off on his own and wastes his inheritance on riotous living.  Eventually the son has to take on a job that is the worse of the worse.  There he comes to his senses and decides to return home and throw himself on his father’s mercy, thinking that even if his father disowns him that being one of his servants is a far better left then the one he now leads.  When he returns home, his father greets him with open arms and hardly gives him a chance to repent.  He celebrates his return by killing the fattest calf.  The older brother resents the favored treatment and complains of the lack of reward for his faithfulness to which the father replies: ‘My son, you are always with me and everything I have is yours.  But we have to celebrate and be glad for this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ (- Luke 15:31-32)" I said.

It was the story of the prodigal son returned home to his father.  Edward sat there and stares at me, most likely trying to find a way to argue against what I was suggesting.

“What if he does not forgive me,” Edward finally said.

“You said in your story that Carlisle was a very compassionate being.  I think that even though what you said to him was hurtful that he has forgiven you already.  Forever is a long time to hold a grudge, Edward.  From what little you have told me of Carlisle I do not think he is the type to withhold his forgiveness.  In fact I would wager he would be much more willing to give it then you seem to think,” I replied.

Edward stayed silent.  I think he knew I had made my point and that only his stubbornness was holding him back from making the journey.  “If it will help, I will go with you.  If he turns you away then you are welcome to stay with me,” I offered.

“What will you do if they let me stay?” Edward asked.

This was one thing I had not full thought out yet, but it did lead me back to the dozen or so questions I had from earlier.

“Which question do you want me to answer first?” Edward asked.

“I think I need to tell you a bit about myself first,” I said.

Edward moved from the piano bench to sit beside me on the sofa I had taken a seat on while he was playing earlier.  “You first need to understand that I am not the person I once was, in more ways then one,” I said.

Edward nodded, “I will keep an open mind.”

_I was born in 1843 in Houston Texas.  When I was sixteen I joined the Confederate Army.  I lied about my age and said I was twenty, they did not question me because I was tall for my age.  When I spoke people listened to me, my father said it was charisma; but now I know it was something different._

 

_I can sense and manipulate the emotions of others.  It was likely that I had this ability as a human, but it was probably passive at the time and not active like it is now._

 

_I rose through the ranks of the army quickly and soon I was the youngest Major in all of Texas, not even admitting my true age.  I had a very promising career ahead of me.  It was the late part of 1862 by this time and it was also the year I was changed.  I was place in charge of evacuating the women and children from Galveston to Houston.  It had taken the whole day to get everyone organized and the first group conveyed to Houston.  It was dark by the time we got there and I did not want to wait around.  I trade my horse for a fresh one and headed back to Galveston to prepare the next group to leave at first light.  I came upon three women on my way back.  At first I thought they were stragglers.  They were the three most beautiful women I had ever seen and I am sure if they had been part of the first group I would have remembered them.  Their names were Maria, Lucy and Nette; Maria was the leader of the group._

 

_I was awestruck by them and pretty much frozen in place by their beauty.  I awoke three days later; Maria had changed me.  She was building an army of vampires to take back her territory and she was looking for specific men, mostly soldiers._

 

_You see in the south it is war, constant war.  The vampires constantly fight over the human population centers.  Maria had lost her territory of Monterrey and she wanted it back._

I spent the next hour recounting my time with Maria to Edward.  I decide to show Edward the reminders of my many battles.

I slowly began to unbutton my shirt, “I wear long sleeve shirts for a reason,” I said as I finished unfastening my shirt.  I slowly pulled my shirt open while watching Edwards face.

It took a moment for Edward to make out the crescent shapes.  I felt the fury rising within him as he asked, “Who did this to you, Jasper?”

“It doesn’t matter they are all dead,” I replied.  ‘Well almost all, Maria was still alive and responsible for one of the marks on my neck,’ I added as an after thought.

Edward hesitantly reached out and traced one of the scars on my chest.  The electricity from our earlier encounter had returned and seemed even more intense.

“I’m sorry, they make me look disgusting,” I said.

Edward shook his head.  “I disagree.  I think they show your strength, determination and courage.” He continued to tracing the scars one by one.  I shivered from the touch and the electrical charge flowing through his hand into my chest was becoming overwhelming.

“Sorry,” Edward said pulling his hand away.

“You have no reason to be sorry.  I am not sure if I can explain it properly, but that felt amazing.  No one has ever done that before,” I said.

“I am not sure if I can explain what I am feeling right now, but I feel drawn to you,” Edward said.

“I feel drawn to you too, Edward.  I am not sure why, and I have never felt this way before.  I have reached out several times in less then a day to comfort you and I have never done that for anyone before,” I said.

“Maybe Carlisle could explain it,” Edward said.

“Maybe, but that would require you being willing to go see him,” I said pointedly.

Edward frowns at that comment.  “You were going to tell me about why you left Maria,” he said changing the subject.

I thought about protesting for a minute, but figured I should finish my story.  I still had my questions I wanted to ask and the sooner I finish my story, the sooner I may get my answers.

 

_The last few months before I left Maria I had been slipping into a deep depression.  At the time I was not sure what was causing it, but I was not a good person to be around and it was upsetting Maria.  Before I left her, I started getting feelings from her like those I had from Nette and Lucy before they betray Maria and me.  I had to make a decision on whether I was willing to kill Maria if it came down to it.  No matter how much I hate her for what happened to me I did not think I could kill her.  I decide instead it would be better to leave._

 

_I waited until she went away with most of the newborns to check on the southern border of our territory.  I left the following night taking what few possessions I had and ran as far north as I could before dawn.  I spent the next month looking over my shoulder waiting for her to show up.  Thankfully she never did and I avoid the south now.  I am sure that one day she will probably come looking for me, but until then I will not worry about it._

 

_I have been away from her for a year.  I had hoped that the separation would ease my depression but it seemed to get worse, especially after I have hunted.  I have tried hunting less, but I get too hungry.  After a life of ‘rewards’ it is very hard to go without for any significant length of time.  I realized that my depression was caused by feeling my prey dying in my arms.  Hunting less made things worse because then I needed to kill more to sedate the thirst._

_  
_

I looked over at Edward who was now holding my right hand and running circles on the back of it with his thumb; it had an amazing calming effect on me.

“I felt the same emotions I feel after feeding come from you tonight,” I said.

“I can hear their thoughts.  I have tried to block them out, but I have not been able too,” Edward said grimly.

“I am not able to block their feelings or change them.  They are so intense, especially the feeling of terror,” I replied.

“Have you ever tired to feed off of animals?” Edward asked.

“No, until you mentioned it today I had never heard of such an idea,” I replied.

“I have never felt the way I do after hunting human when I use to hunt animals.  They do not have any dying thoughts,” Edward said.

“I wonder if I would feel the same or not,” I said.

“This is something that we need to seriously discuss.  If I am going to go back to Carlisle begging for forgiveness and asking him to take me back, then I want you to come with me.  I also would like it if you stayed if he is willing to accept me back,” Edward said.

“I do not think they would want me around Edward, not with my past,” I said.

“I thought you were the one arguing that Carlisle’s compassion would win out?  Beside I think that you and he would have some interesting debates and discussions,” Edward argued.

I frowned at him.  “There is a difference here, Edward.  Carlisle did not create me and has no ties to me.  He would be less likely to trust me or that I would follow his ways,” I argued back.

“I thought about that.  I no longer want to be that monster that I so feared when I was first changed.  I thought when I started this that I could be different.  Tonight’s hunt finally made me realize that even with this gift I am no better then any other killer.  I think it is time for a change and I also think that you too are ready for a change,” Edward said.

“I am sick of the killing and the depression,” I paused, took a deep breath and then continued.  “I am willing to try, but Edward you have to understand that I have killed thousands of people and not just the guilty ones.  I have been that monster that you loath for more than sixty years.”

“That may all be true, but I have seen in less the twenty-four hours a different side of you,” Edward disagreed.

“I am not disputing any of that Edward. I am ready for a change but I am worried about what happens when I slip up,” I said.

“What do you mean?” Edward asked.  I could feel his confusion.

“I mean that when I slipped up, and I will slip up Edward.  You have said that animal blood does not sedate your thirst.  I gather that means it will take time to learn control.  I fear that after being allowed to stay that they would ask me to leave when I do slip up,” I confessed.

Edward opened his mouth to protest, but I held up my hand.  “Edward, today was the first day that I have not felt depressed after hunting,  at least not until I just started to think about it.  I have been on this emotional roller coaster ride with you all day.  I have felt everything from your pain to your pride and happiness.  All my life as a vampire I have been surrounded by nothing but feelings of bloodlust, anger, greed, sexual lust and many other feelings and rarely have any of them ever been happiness, joy, calm... love, or anything at all that is uplifting,” I said.

I took an unneeded deep breath.  “The way you speak of your life with Carlisle and Esme makes me think that it would be a joyful, happy and wonderful place to be emotionally.  To have that ripped away if I slipped up would be devastating to me,” I said.

“Carlisle would not send you away.  Esme has slipped up in the past and he has never sent her away or punished her for slipping up,” Edward argued.

“Esme is Carlisle’s mate, and there is a major difference there,” I stated.

“I disagree.  I have already told you that we were… are, a family and family does not abandon each other because we make a mistake,” Edward said.

“Here I thought you were the one that needed convincing to go back to your family,” I smirked.

“Stop changing the subject.  I am willing to go back, but only if you come with me and if you agree to stay.  If they are willing to forgive me,” Edward replied.  I could tell by his tone that he was skeptical about those prospects.

“I told you I would be willing to go,” I replied.

“Yes, but you have not agreed to stay yet,” Edward replied giving me a pointed looked.

I took a deep breath and sighed.  “Alright, I will stay but if this does not work out.” - Edward interrupted me “Then I will leave with you.”

“I cannot ask you to do that,” I said.

“I was not expecting you too.  I do not like the thought of being separated from you.  Every time I think about you being away from you it makes me feel empty, like part of me is missing.  I know that should probably scare the crap out of me or make me feel disgusted because you are a man, and society say that is wrong, but it does not.  I can also tell from your thoughts you are having the same internal struggle with this draw we are both feeling,” Edward said.

Edward’s little gift was starting to become very annoying.  Edward smirks at that, “So is your ability to feel my emotions.”

‘ _Touche!’_ I thought and laughed.

“Alright, Edward I will agree to your request,” I said.

“Good, I was afraid I might have to drag you there kicking and screaming,” Edward joked.  This was a side of Edward I was hoping I’d get to see a lot more often.


	2. Struggle

**Chapter Two:** **Struggle**

We left Chicago just after twilight.  Edward suggested we head north into Wisconsin where he would teach me to hunt animals.

“There are fewer humans up here; which will hopefully mean less chance of one of us slipping,” Edward said in explanation for coming here.

 _‘If anyone is going to slip up, it’ll be me,’_ I thought.

“I will not let that happen, Jasper.  I promise we will make sure we are in a safe zone before we hunt,” Edward said.  We were deep into Wisconsin and had finally reached an isolated area for us to hunt.

“There are a couple of rules that we need to follow so that we do not accidently happen across a human when we are hunting,” Edward said.

I nodded and waited for him to continue.  “Carlisle and I would try to hunt in places with little to no human presence. We also try not to over hunt.”

_That all made sense, but I had the feeling it was not as easy as it sounded._

“That depends on where we are living.  Sometimes we need to range out quite a distance to meet our needs.  Carlisle and I tended to feed on the local deer populations.  We would then range out once every month or so to hunt larger prey to keep ourselves stronger and better able to resist,” Edward paused and looked at me for a moment.

“I think we will probably need to go more often at least at first.  It will help us get more acclimated to resisting.”

I was starting to doubt that this was going to work.  It just seems like such a huge challenge and I was skeptical of my ability to resist.  Edward of course was reading my thoughts and frowned at me.

 _‘Sorry,’_ I thought.

“You do not need to apologize, Jasper.  I will be honest, this will be a challenge and it will not be easy to resist at first.  It will take time to build up your control.  It took Carlisle two centuries of practice before he was able to work as a doctor without pain.  Now he is all but immune to the smell of human blood.  I know you can do this, Jasper.  You just need to believe in yourself.”




Edward shook his head, “Not yet we need to make sure we are in a safe zone.”

“How do we do that?” I asked.

“We need to check for humans nearby before we start hunting,” Edward replied.

Edward closed his eyes and I was not exactly sure what he was doing.  “I am listening, and taking in the smells of the forest, to check if any humans are nearby.”

After a few moments Edward spoke again, “We are in the clear for where we will hunt, but in the future we should always run the perimeter of our hunting grounds to be absolutely sure.”

Edward taught me to range out with my senses to find a herd of deer.  They would be our prey on this hunt.  Edward had explained that he wanted us to start with smaller wildlife.  I had scoffed at that, but Edward said it would be easier for a first hunt.  I range out with my hearing and picked out the sounds of tongues lapping up water from a stream a quarter mile to the north.

“Good, now use your sense of smell,” Edward encouraged.

I immediately wrinkled my nose when I picked out the stink of the deer.

"Herbivores do not smell that great and the taste is only slightly better,” Edward said, with a frown.




“Now what do I do?” I asked.

“What do you feel like doing?” Edward asked.

I felt like vomiting, but I was almost certain that was not what Edward wanted to hear.  Edward shook his head at my thoughts.

“Give yourself over to your instincts, do not think about it,” Edward said.

I closed my eyes and let my instincts take over.  In the next second I was sprinting through the forest in the direction of the deer.  I could now hear their pounding hearts clearly and the sound triggered my instinct to feed further.  The promise of a warm liquid that would soothe the burn in the back of my throat was too appealing to pass up.  I focused on the sound of the loudest and strongest beating heart.  I emerged from the edge of the forest and found the small herd of deer drinking from the stream.  They had not heard my approach and were unaware.  I leapt from the tree line and landed on the back of the large buck.  I snapped its neck in the same instance as my teeth bit into the hide and flesh at its neck.  The taste was horrible, but the feeling of the warm red blood coating the back of my throat brought much needed relief.

When I finished, I stood and brushed off the deer fur and other debris that had managed to soil my shirt and pants.  I turned to see Edward draining a doe a few feet away and was slightly annoyed to see that he had managed not to soil his clothes.  Edward chuckled as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

“I have had a bit more practice at hunting animals and not getting dirty.”

I folded my arms across my chest and rolled my eyes.

“That tasted as bad as I remember,” Edward added looking down at our discarded prey.

“Thankfully it does not leave an after taste,” I sighed with relief.

“Predators taste better and are more of a challenge to take down.”

I had to scoff at that.  I did not see how any animal would be able to put up much resistance to our superior strength, speed or evade our heightened senses.

  1. I love to run and chasing a mountain lion through the forest can be rather exciting at times.”



I started to imagine what Edward would look like hunting.  I was imagining how graceful he would move, how his powerful legs would propel him through the forest, and how beautiful he would look.  I suddenly became aware that this was causing my pants to become tighter as I became aroused by my mental musing.

“What was that?” Edward asked.

“Umm . . .  nothing . . .” I said, while trying in desperately to hide my previous thoughts.

 _‘Oh god this is so embarrassing!’_ I thought.

Edward raised an eyebrow at me totally not buying my lame attempt at concealing my thoughts.

“What is so embarrassing?” Edward asked.

He had this amused twinkle in his eyes.

 _‘Please Edward, this is too embarrassing.  Please!’_ I begged in my thoughts.

Edward flitted to stand in front of me with an intense look on his face as if he was trying to probe my mind for my earlier thoughts.  Edward moved his head and leaned in so that his lips were close enough to my ear that if he stuck his tongue out he could lick it.

Edward’s emotions were a mix of mischief, amusement and something else that I could not place.  I felt his cold breath blow across my ear causing me to shiver.

“I thought you were graceful, powerful and beautiful when you were hunting.” Edward whispered then I felt his tongue lick the edge of my ear.

Edward chuckled then flitted away from me.

“You . . .  you . . .  when I get my hands on you,”  I growled.

Edward laughed as he took off running.  I took off after him as fast as I could.

 _‘Damn he’s fast,’_ I thought.

I was falling behind and there was no way I was going to catch him.

 _‘I give up, you win,’_ I projected.

I heard Edward chuckle amusingly as he came running up to me a few moments later.  I reached out and wrapped an arm around him pulling his body to mine.  I pressed his back up against a nearby tree.

“I thought you gave up?” Edward said.

“It was all a rouse to get you in my arms,” I whisper with my lips mere inches away from his sweet red lips.

I pressed my hard body against Edward, further pinning him to the tree.  I moved my lips closer and let out my breath slowly sending a shiver down his spine.  I focused my attention on his lips as I moved in closer until my own red lips brushed against his ever so slightly.  I could feel Edward’s body responding to the sexual tension.

I pressed firmly against Edward and attacked his lips. They tasted better then I could have ever imagined.  I moved my right hand to cup his face.  I felt Edward’s hands slowly wrap around my back and his lips begin to move with mine.  I parted my lips and flicked my tongue against his.

 _‘I wonder what his mouth taste like.’_ Edward’s lips immediately parted and I slipped my tongue into his mouth.

The taste was exquisite.  I heard Edward beginning to purr.

 _‘Fuck me if that was not the sexist sound I have ever heard.’_ I thought.

Our lips moved in sync, brushing back and forth in a frenzy.  I wanted Edward to take more control of our kiss and show me what he liked.  I felt his right hand moved up my back.  His fingers tangled in my long curly blonde locks.  He tilted my head to the side and pushed his tongue into my mouth.

Edward flips us around so I was now pressed against the large tree.  I moved both of my hands up running my fingers through Edward’s messy bronze locks, and tangling my fingers in them.  I ground my hips against Edwards.  Edward presses himself against me tightly and I could tell he was as turn on as me.

All too soon our kiss ended.  Edward pulled back and sighed, “That was an amazing first kiss.”

I did not realize at first that Edward meant it was his first kiss ever.  It was not until the shy, embarrass emotions seeping through from Edward that it clicked.

“That was your first kiss ever?” I asked.

Edward dropped his head forward and nodded shyly.  I immediately placed a finger beneath his chin and lifted his face so that I could see his deep meaningful eyes.

“You are an amazing kisser, Edward,” I said.

“I sort of cheated,” Edward admitted shyly.

“Oh I know, and you can cheat anytime you kiss me.” I smirked.

 

Edward and I spent the rest of the night sitting by a small stream watching some deer and smaller animals come to drink from it.  We did our best to keep our scent downwind from the animals to not scare them off.  Most were unaware of our presence, but a few were perceptive enough to spot us and their instincts told them to run.  Holding Edward in my arms and the occasional chaste kiss combined with his happy and joyful emotions turned out to be the highlights of the night.  I reflected those feelings back to Edward telling him that those were the emotions I was feeling from him.

As the sun was rising over the horizon, we left the stream and headed north toward Michigan.

“I think we will be able to find larger game in the north.  I am also hoping we might find some mountain lions,” Edward said.

I was eager to try something that had a better taste the deer.  I knew that this new life I had chosen would be a struggle, but I was happy to not be depressed after feeding.  Part of me also wanted to admit that this new life was far better then the alternative.  I stopped my thoughts from thinking about that alternative.  I was happy now.  I had Edward and he made me happy.  If someone had told me a week ago that I would fall in love with a male vampire, and be hunting animals instead of humans, I have thought they were crazy.

As we traveled further and further north, the weather turned colder.  As the day went on we soon encountered a small snow front that was slowly dropping a new layer of snow.

“Do you have a coat?” Edward asked.

‘ _What a strange question, why would I need a coat?’_ I thought _._

Edward stopped walked and pulled his backpack off his shoulders.

“Here put these on,” Edward said as he handed me a coat and a sweater.

I stared at Edward in confusion as he in turned pulled on a sweater and another coat.

“If we happen across any humans, they will question why you are not wearing winter clothing,” Edward said.

‘Oh,’ I had not considered that.

I pulled on the sweater and the coat Edward had given me.  I was immediately hit by the smell, Edward’s smell.  I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply.  I could not place the scent, but it smelled heavenly.

Edward pulled his backpack back onto his shoulders, “Come on lover boy.  Oh, and try not to get too drunk off my smell.”

Edward was laughing as he walked away from me.

I groan, _‘That damn little gift of his could be so annoying at times!’_ I thought.

“I heard that,” Edward called back.

As quickly as I could, I crouched down and grabbed a handful of snow making a ball.  I launched it at Edward, but he ducked out of the way.  I could hear him laughing.

“Cheater!” I yelled.

I knew he had picked it out of my head.  I looked back at Edward in time to see a snowball heading my way.  I was not quick enough to move out of the way as the snowball clipped my shoulder.

“You are going to pay for that,” I said.

I leapt the distances and tackled Edward to the ground.  I knew he could have moved but he let me have my fun.  I pressed my lips to Edwards, while using my right hand to gather up some of the snow. I was also picturing Edward and me naked to keep him distracted from my real intention.  Pulling away from the kiss, I tossed the snow into Edward’s face.  The stunted look on his face was worth the trouble I was about to be in.  I jumped off Edward and started running as fast as I could, laughing the whole time.

“JASPER!” Edward yelled.  He tore off after me; and I knew he would catch me, but it was still a lot of fun.

Edward caught up to me within a few seconds.  Edward pulled me into his arms and kissed my lips, then smack my ass with is right hand.

“Edward!” I said shocked.

Edward just smirked at me.

“You were a bad boy and needed to be punished,”  Edward grinned.

We walked in silence through the forest side by side after our little playful excursion.  Both of our emotions were content and just happy to share each other’s company.  I was basking in Edward’s happiness, trying to absorb every wave that flowed off of him.  Part of my mind was telling me that I was setting myself up for disaster if things ended badly.  I push those thoughts out of my mind.  Edward had told me that he did not like the idea of being parted from me.  There were other ways that this could end badly as well, but again I pushed those thoughts from my mind.  I did not want Edward listening to my fears.

I instead started thinking about my human family, trying to hold onto the few memories I had left of them.  During my time with Maria my human memories had all but faded.  There was now only a handful of good human memories left and I was determined to hold on to them.  All of them were about my family; my mother’s face, the fishing hole that my dad and I use to go to, and a few memories of my siblings.

It was about midday when we spoke again.

“Jasper?” The way he said my name in a question and his sudden change in emotions piqued my interest.

Edward had gone from being calm and happy to being slightly nervous and curious.

“Did you have a question?” I asked slowly.

Edward nodded and I felt his emotions become conflicted.

“I wanted to know more about your past.”

“What did you want to know?” I asked in reply.

“If you would prefer not to talk about it that is fine, but I was wondering about you and Maria.  I got the impression from your story yesterday that there may have been more between the two of you.”

I frowned at this topic.  Maria was not my favorite person to talk about at the moment, but I figured that it would be best to cover this now then let it bother Edward.

“I assume that you want to know about any relationship I might have had with her?” I asked.

Edward nodded and I got a tinge of jealous from him at the mention of the word relationship.  I was afraid that might be the case.  I need to assure Edward that Maria was a nonissue as far as relationships went.  I felt him calm as he read my thoughts.

_Maria was very controlling, She was as quick to reward you when you pleased her as she was to punish you when you failed her.  I got rewarded a lot because I pleased Maria with my abilities.  I was a strong fighter and I knew how to lead her army in battle.  I usually got my choice of humans when we hunted._

 

 _Maria soon picked up that many of the female vampires in our coven, not that there were many, were attracted to me.  I think that made her jealous, but she also knew she could use this as a measure of control._   _I was the only newborn that survived from the original army of twenty-tree, which Maria had created.  She used me to solidify her control over the coven.  We all know that vampires would fight to the death to protect their mate.  Maria used this to her advantage by taking me as her ‘mate’.  I never felt that way about Maria, but it did earn me numerous additional rewards._

_It helped satisfy a need from all the lust I was feeling from the other vampires.  It was never love between us.  I used her to get off and she used me to protect her leadership of the coven._

_The others would never challenge Maria for fear that I would step in to defend her.  As I said I was a strong fighter and my empathic abilities gave me an edge over my opponents.  None of the newborns or any of the older vampires wanted to fight me if they could avoid it._

_Only once did any of the coven challenge Maria.  Lucy and Nettie had secretly made an agreement with a rival coven.  I figured out something was up when I started getting strange emotions from the two of them.  I picked up on deceit, jealous, angry, fear, and nervousness.  It made me think they were hiding something, so I told Maria._

 

_It was a close fight at first because we had been surprised by the sudden attack.  Maria was furious when Nettie and Lucy had switched sides on us at the start of the battle.  We lost several newborns before we turned the battle in our favor.  I was able to incite the rest of our army into a bloodlust.  We saved Nettle and Lucy for last.  Maria made an example of them that was never forgotten._

I stopped walking when we reached an outcropping of rocks.  I sat on the edge looking out into the forest.  I waited for Edward to join me, which he did when he picked it out of my thoughts.

“Edward” - I began as turned to look at him - “My feelings for you run much deeper then anything I ever felt for Maria.  If someone had challenged Maria, I probably would have defended her; not because she was my mate, but because she was my creator.”

I paused to take in Edward’s emotions.  They were much calmer and I got the sense that he was ok with whatever I had with Maria.  Now I had to make him understand that he meant more to me than she ever did.  Edward’s curiosity peaked as he read my thoughts.

“If anyone ever tried to hurt you I would rip them to pieces!” I growled quietly.

Edward was actually startled by my sudden aggressive behavior.  “Just the very thought of someone hurting you, Edward, makes me very angry.  I feel very protective of you.  I know that we have only known each other for a couple of days, but I cannot see my future without you.  You have ignited something deep within me that I have never felt before.  There are no words to describe these feelings that are coursing through me.  Many of the same feelings seem to be flowing through you as well.  I hope that means you feel the same way about me,” I ended in a whisper.

“I am not an empath and I cannot read your emotions, but I can read your mind.  I am quite sure that I feel the same way you do,” Edward said.  “I also think that our actions over the past day have shown that we have strong feelings for each other.”

“I want you to be part of my future and I want to be part of yours,” Edward continued.

I wrapped my right arm around Edward and pulled his body to mine.

“Carlisle told me once that we vampires rarely change, but when we do it is a permanent change.  The way I feel about you Jasper will never change.  I want you forever.”

Edward turned his head toward me and we kissed.  It was a brief kiss, but it said everything that we were feeling.  It said that he was mine and I was his forever.  I was not sure if this was love or what you call this feeling but I wanted more of it.  It felt right, it felt powerful and it made me happy.

“I love you, Jazz,” Edward said before his lips met mine again.

 _‘Wait, did he just call me Jazz?  I kind of like that,’_ I thought.

Edward smirked against my lips, “I thought it suited you.”

I smiled and we gave each other a chaste kiss before pulling apart.

 

Then it suddenly hit me.  Edward had told me he loved me!  I pulled him back to me and kiss him passionately.  Edward returned the kiss just as passionately.  I sighed quietly as we pulled apart reluctantly.  I pressed my forehead against Edward’s, wanting to keep the closeness.

“I love you, Edward,” I said fervently.

It was true, and I had finally figured out what these emotions meant.  It was love.  There was no other way to describe it.

The soft padded foot steps I heard off to my right caught my attention.  I turned to see a large Cougar (mountain lion) that was unaware of our presence.

“He’s all yours, Jazz,” Edward whispered into my ear.

I turned toward Edward, “Are you sure?”

I knew that mountain lions were Edward’s favorite.  He nodded with a smile, “I will get the next one.”

I kissed Edward’s lips then turned and leapt off the outcropping of rocks and onto the back of the Cougar a dozen yards away.

He tried to knock me off his back, but I was having none of it.  I moved my hand to his head and exposed his neck.  My teeth connected with his neck and bit through the hide, flesh, sinew until they tore it to the main artery in the neck exposing the sweet liquid within.  I drank down the liquid greedily as it muted the burn in my throat.  The cougar let out a high-pitched squeal and I snapped its neck ending its pain.

Edward flitted to my side after I had finished draining the large cat.  He leaned in and licked my lips clean of the remaining blood, when I stood to face him.  I pulled Edward in for a passionate kiss; letting him taste what little blood remained in my mouth, as his tongue slid between my lips.  Reluctantly we ended our kiss and picked up the scent of another cougar and took off after it.

* * *

It was an overcast day with a new snow storm moving into the area.  Edward and I have spent nearly two weeks hunting in northern Wisconsin and the Upper Michigan Peninsula. We had managed to find a few more mountain lions.  The taste was much better than the deer, but not anywhere near the sweetness of human blood.

One major plus of our hunting had been our eye color had changed.  Edward’s were now completely gold.  The new color made Edward’s eye stand out and I thought it made him look even more attractive; if that, were possible.  My eyes had also changed to gold, but they still had speckles of red.  Edward claimed it was not noticeable, but I had to disagree.  I knew the red was still there and that bothered me.  It was one of the last remaining links to my old life that I wish I could forget.

 _‘Stupid perfect vampire memory!’_ I thought.

Edward stopped walking along side of me.  I turned to ask him why he had stopped when I noticed the intense look of concentration on his face.  He sometimes had this look when he was deep in thought.

“I was leading here to Milwaukee for another reason, but now that we are here I have a second reason.”

“Well seeing how I have no idea what your first reason was, maybe you could shed some light on why we are here,” I replied.

“Well I would have told you sooner, but you would have protested,” - I did not like the sound of that, - “First reason was to test our resistance to being around humans.”

I was right, not liking that idea at all.  ‘ _I am not ready to be around humans yet_.’

“It will be fine, Jazz, I promise.”

“What was the second reason?” I asked now annoyed by his first reason for being here.

 

“Hear me out before you say yes or no,” Edward said.

I nodded in agreement.

“I picked out of your thoughts that you would like to forget about some of your old life.”

 _‘Seriously, his mind reading was getting annoying_.’

“Jasper, you agreed to hear me out.”

I just stared at him with the most annoyed expression I could manage.

“I am only trying to help, please just listen.”

I sighed, but only relaxed my expression slightly.

“I think you should get rid of any reminders of your old life.”

I was about to protest, there were some things I did want to remember.

“Wait!  I know there are some things you want to remember.  I think you should keep your uniform and the pictures you have of your family, and your journal; but anything that reminds you of your time with Maria or times you prefer not remember you should destroy,” Edward said.

Everything I had reminded me of Maria or some other time I wish I could forget; My backpack, my clothes, and the various trinkets I had collected over the years.  Edward was right in a way, only my uniform, journal from my time in the army, and the photos of my family held any sentimental value to me.

“We will buy new clothes, backpacks and whatever else we need for the rest of our journey.”

“Edward, I do not have that much money.  I cannot afford to get new clothes,” I protested.

“I have money, Jasper.  I can . . .”

“Oh, no, I am not about to let you buy me clothes or anything else for that matter.  You should not waste your money on me,” I said.

“Jasper please let me do this for you.  If it makes you feel any better about it, I intended to get some new clothes for myself.  I could also benefit from getting rid of anything that reminds me of the past four years,” Edward said.

I sighed, and I think Edward knew he was about to win.  Change does not come easily for vampires.  We are so set in our ways when we are changed that it takes a major event to alter us.  The past two weeks with Edward had brought about some major changes in me.  Edward was right, but I still did not like the idea of him spending what little money he had on me.

 _‘All right, Edward, you win.  But, I have one request.  I want to keep this coat,’_ I thought.

Edward nodded with a smile, “I thought you might like to keep it.  But, I am going to buy you a new one anyway; that one is rather shabby and you should have a new coat to go with your new clothes.”

I did not see much use in protesting.  Edward would get his way.

Our first stop was a hotel.  We dropped off our backpacks in the room that Edward rented us for the night.  Only the clerk had been in the hotel lobby when we check in.  I had held by breath as Edward instructed while he did all the talking.

“You are not going to be able to hold your breath the entire time at the shop,” Edward said.

“Edward, I think this is bad idea.  I am not going to be able to control myself in there if I have to breathe.”

“You will not need to breathe the whole time we are in there, but you are going to have to talk or the humans will get suspicious.  I will be right there with you,” Edward said.

_‘I have a really bad feeling about this, Edward.’_

When we reached the shop I grabbed Edward’s arm before he could enter the store.  “Promise me you will not let me do something I will regret later,” I said.

“I promise, Jazz.  Everything will be fine,” Edward replied.  We entered the store and Edward led us to the men’s clothing section.

 

Edward was gathering up several shirts and pants when a young blonde girl came over, “Can I help you, gentlemen?”

“Yes, do you have a dressing room?  My friend would like to try these on,” Edward said _._

 _‘What the hell are you doing, Edward?’_ I thought as my mind began to panic.

“Relax,” Edward said much too quickly and quietly for the human to hear.

“Right this way,” The blonde girl said.

“Will you be able to come back and help me after you show him the dressing room?” Edward asked with a smile.

“Of course,” She said with a smile.  I could feel the lust rolling off of her as she looked at Edward.  I was suddenly feeling very jealous and possessive.

“Careful,” Edward warned, again too quickly and low for the human to hear.

 _‘Sorry,’_ I thought as I followed the girl to the dressing room.

“Will there be anything else I can help you with?” She asked me.

“No, thank you,” I said quickly and entered the dressing room.

 _‘Relax, Jasper.  That went well.’_ I thought.  She left me there to change and returned to help Edward.

The first outfit I tried on was a dark green long sleeve button up shirt and black slacks.  I stepped out of the dressing room, _‘Edward’_.

He came over to me carrying a black leather belt with a silver looking buckle.

“Put this on,” Edward said, handing me the belt and buckle.

Edward stepped back, after I added the belt and buckle, admired my new outfit.

“Okay, try on the other outfit,” Edward said.

 A half dozen pairs of pants and shirts later I was no longer interested in playing dress up, and I was done trying on clothes! I made sure Edward could hear my thoughts while also giving him an annoyed expression.

I have even managed to not attack the sales clerk when she asked me which of the outfits I wanted to purchase.  Not knowing which I liked more I asked her which she would pick.  She quickly picked out the outfits she liked; Edward agreed that they were the best choices.

I was ready to leave and hoped we were done, ‘ _or not’_.  Edward reading the annoyance in my thoughts led us to the footwear section.  I rolled my eyes as Edward handed me a pair of shoes to try on.  I immediately disliked them.  They just were not as comfortable as my riding boots.  Edward sighed and walked over to a different table, returning with a pair of black riding boots similar to mine.  The style was newer, but they looked more to my liking then the shoes.

“Do you like those?” Edward asked, after I had tried them on.

“Yes, I would like to get these,” Edward handed the boots to the sales clerk after I had changed back into my old boots.

Breathing got easier as I learned to focus on the task I was doing or whatever Edward was doing at the time. We finished up by picking out two winter coats, one for each of us and a pair of boots for Edward.  We headed up to the sales counter to complete our transaction.  Edward handed over the money and the sales clerk thanked us and wished us a Merry Christmas.

As soon as we got outside I took a deep breath of fresh clean air.  We made one other stop on our way back to our hotel where Edward purchased new backpacks.  Upon returning to the hotel room Edward laid out clothes for both of us and then headed into the bathroom to shower.

I took a seat on the sofa and watched the snow falling outside the window.  I could see the street lights illuminating on the sidewalk below and the humans moving quickly about.  I was proud of myself.  I had managed to get through the day so far without killing anyone.  I felt a bit more confident that I might be able to succeed in this endeavor.

Edward had reminded me earlier that today was Christmas Eve.  Christmas was a holiday that I had not celebrated in more than sixty years.  I was conflicted by my emotions for the holiday.  Part of me was sad that I had not celebrated this day in so long.  It was a day to be with family and share love for one another.  That part of me missed my human life and my family.  Another part of me did not care for the day at all.  This part was more dominate since it brought fewer painful feelings of what I had lost because of this life.

Of course Edward heard all these thoughts when he had brought up the subject on our return to the hotel.  He at first frowned at me, but quickly turned his frown into a smile.

‘ _Let us start a new tradition for this day,’_ Edward had said.

He finally convinced me to join him for a walk in the park.  There would to be Christmas carolers and other activities.  I had of course protested, but Edward reminded me of how well I had done during our shopping excursion.  I grudgingly agreed, but part of me really did want to go to the park with Edward.

I heard the door to the bathroom open and turned to see Edward enter the room fully dressed.  He wore a pair of black pants, and a red long sleeve button up shirt with a green sweater pulled over the top.  Finishing off the outfit was a pair of black riding boots similar to the ones Edward had purchased for me earlier, but the style was different.

I took my turn in the bathroom showering and cleaning up.  I enjoy the feel of the hot water pouring over my body.  It had been a while since I had the luxury of being able to shower.  Vampires did not have unpleasant body orders, but we still could get dirty.  Living as a nomad this past year meant going out many of the luxuries, I had when I was with Maria.

I exited the bathroom fifteen minutes later fully dressed and ready to go out on our ‘date’.  Edward walked over to me and pressed his lips to mine.  How I missed the feel of his lips.  I wrapped my arms around my beautiful lover.  Michelangelo’s David had nothing on my Edward.  His perfectly sculpted face, his hard muscular body, his firm . . .

“Have you even seen Michelangelo’s David?” Edward asked, chuckling as he pulled away from our kiss.

“Not in person,” I pouted.  I was missing the feel of his lips.  I had, however, seen a photo of the sculpture a few years ago.

Edward smirked before kissing me again.  I moved my right hand up behind his head and held his lips to mine.  The taste was like vanilla and so sweet.  I involuntarily moaned.

 _‘Screw the Christmas Caroling,’_ I thought.

I moved my left hand to Edward’s perk, firm ass and pulled him into me, grinding my pelvis into his.  Edward moaned into our kiss at the added friction.  I released his lips and kissed up Edward’s jaw to his ear.

“I want you so bad, Edward,” I growled softly.  I sent a wave of the lust I was feeling to him.

“Oh, Jazz,” Edward moaned softly.

 

I moved my lips back to Edward’s as I led us to the bed.  Edward’s body froze the instant the back of his legs touched the foot of the bed.  I felt the sudden rush of panic emotions roll off of him and I froze as well in that moment.  I opened my closed eyes to see Edward stares back at me with a scared look in his beautiful golden orbs.

“Edward?” I said as I pulled away from his lips slowly.

 _‘Did he not want me?’_ I thought.

Edward quickly shook his head, “No, of course I want you Jazz.  I... this . . .  I am . . .”

I had never seen Edward this flustered for words before.  I was starting to get worried.  He may have said he wanted me but his flustered state was leaving me hanging.

Edward closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  With his eye still close Edwards spoke slowly, “Jasper, believe me when I tell you that I want you very much.  This is just all very new to me.  I have never had anyone special in my life before; not even when I was human.”

Edward opened his eyes and gave me a small smile.  “Jasper, I love you very much and I want to be with you completely.  I am just a little scared.”

Edward turned his face away from me, “I am scared that I may not be good enough, that you will not want me afterward.”

‘ _What was he saying?  I would not want to be with him after.  Of course I want to be with him!’_ I thought.

“Edward, I - love – you,” I stressed each word.

“I want to be with you completely, but I do not want you to be scared to be with me,” I turned Edward’s head so that I could see his eyes as I continued to speak.

“You said it yourself these past two weeks.  Change does not come easily for our kind, and when it does come it is a permanent change.  My love for you will not stop tomorrow, or next year or a thousand years from now.  I will always love you, Edward,” I smiled at my angel.

“Edward, we will do this at your pace.  When you are ready, we will be together intimately.  I also think with your mind reading and my empathic abilities it will be an unforgettable experience for both of us,” Edward smiled at me as I finished.

“I love you too, Jasper Whitlock.”

“Lets go listen to some Christmas carols,” I smiled.  One quick chaste kiss and we were out the door.

The park was only a few blocks away from the hotel.  It was lit up brightly and the sounds of caroling and laughter could be heard as we entered.  I could not help but smile and feel happy with all the joyful emotions flowing from all the humans.  The carolers were singing ‘Joy to the World’ when we sat down at a bench across from them.  I closed my eyes while immersing myself in the wonderful emotions and the music.  I was able to breathe normally without the slightest desire to feed.

‘repeat the sounding joy, repeat the sounding joy, repeat - repeat the sounding joy.’ The carolers sang.

Edward and I watched the young couples strolling through the park.  The families huddled together waiting in line for the sleigh rides and the children playing in the snow.  All these things made my cold heart warm.  I looked to Edward who was sitting silently beside me also smiling happily.

“Thank you,” I simply said.

Edward turned his face to me, “What are you thanking me for?”

“For bringing me here tonight,” I replied.

“I take it you are having a good time then?”

“I am, and the emotions are so happy and joyful.  I have never felt anything like it.”

 

We spent the next couple of hours just listening to the carolers.  Edward had to remind me a couple of times to not sit so still.  We had to act human and for someone who had not been human in more than sixty years that was a challenge.

Everything was going great until I felt the warm hand on mine and the most delicious smell.

“Mister, can you help me find my mommy?”

‘Oh, no!’ I thought, and stopped breathing.

I looked down to see a little boy of no more then ten-year-old holding my hand with tears running down his face.  The monster inside me was suddenly raging to be released.

‘NO!  This is not happening!  EDWARD HELP!’ I scream in my thoughts.

Edward’s head whipped around too fast for a human.  I could see my eyes turning black in the refection from Edward’s eyes.  I could feel the pulse of the young boy through his hand; the warmth of the blood that flowed in his veins.  My throat began to burn and venom pooled in my mouth.

‘No, No, No!’ my thoughts continued to scream.

Edward quickly, but gentle removed the boy’s hand from mine as he spoke.

“What does your mommy look like?” Edward asked as he moved the boy so that he could use his own body as a shield against me.  The monster within me growled being denied the sweet nectar.  The next thing I felt was Edward’s elbow being driven into my stomach.  The strength of the blow was enough to cause me to gasp and suck in a breath.  It took a spilt second for my mind to register that Edward had done this purposefully.  The wind had changed direction ever so slight and the air around me was clean.

“Get out of here now!” Edward hiss in a quick hushed whisper.  It voice was too low for the boy to hear, but his tone left no room for argument.  I could think just clearly enough to obey, but the urge to feed was still there and strong.

I stopped breathing again as I stood.  Edward stood at the same time kept his body between me and the boy.  I force myself to turn away from them and walk to the park exit, as quickly as I could and not draw attention to myself.  I did not turn back for fear I would not be able to stop myself. I did not stop walking until I was half way back to the hotel.  I stopped beneath a streetlight that was out.  I leaned back against it breathing slowly and deeply, trying to clear my head completely.

_‘I nearly killed that boy. I cannot do this.  It is too hard.  What was I thinking?!  I am a vampire.’_

I slid down to the sidewalk and sat there in my self loathing hate for only a few minutes, before Edward walked up to me.

“Jasper?”

 _No, go away. Please go away, Edward, I do not want you to see me like this,’_ I thought.

“Jasper, I am not going anywhere,” Edward said; his tone final.

 _‘Just go away, Edward.  I nearly killed a little boy.  I am a monster!’_ I thought.

I could feel Edward’s anger rising.  Good, he should be angry with me; I nearly exposed us back there.  Edward took a deep breath.  I nearly looked up at him, but I did not want to see the rejection on his face and the anger for being so weak.  The boy’s smell had not even affected Edward.

Edward sighed, “Jasper, look at me.”

 _‘No,’_ I thought.

“Jazz, look at me,” Edward said, in a demanding tone.  I checked Edward’s emotions, his anger had abated and he was calm.  I slowly looked up and was startled.  Edward’s face was calm, but his eyes were pitch black.

“His smell affected me just as much as it affected you.  He is back with his mother,” Edward said.  The boy was thankfully safely with his mother.

“I am sorry, Edward.  I am not strong enough to resist.  It is too difficult,” I said softly.

“Jazz, you are much stronger then you give yourself credit.  You resist the urge to feed and you had the mental strength to walk away,” Edward said calmly.

“It was not as easy as you are making it sound.”

“I know it was not easy for you to walk away.  I was listening to your mind the entire time.”

“So you know how much of a weakling I am now.”

Edward groaned at me, “Jasper Whitlock!  You are not a weakling.  You are one of the strongest people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.”

I scoffed at that, “You were able to help the boy find his mother, I turned tail and ran away to hide.”

Edward sighed, “Is that what this is about? You think it was easy for me to do that?”  Edward waited for me to reply, but I said and thought nothing.  Edward crouched down in front of me and I looked away.

“Jazz, I had years of experience to draw on back there to help me do that.  I picked out his mother’s thoughts almost immediately.  She was frantically looking for him as well.  I focused on that and the thought of what she would feel if her little boy did not come home.  That gave me the strength I needed to see them reunited,” Edward said.

I stayed silent.  “Jazz, please do not give up.  I know how hard it is; believe me I know what you are going through.  I have been there, where you are right now.  I know you have the strength to do this and succeed.  I believe in you, Jazz.”

I stayed quiet for a long time, but finally sighing.  Edward was right.

 _‘Sorry,’_ I thought.

“You did well back there.  Better then I did my first time encountering humans,” Edward said.

Edward stood up and extended his hand to me.  I grabbed his hand and he helped me up.

“We will go hunting and I will tell you all about it, but first we should collect our things from the hotel.”

“I thought you wanted to spend the night here?”

“If we are going hunting, we might as well head toward St. Paul.”  I nodded but felt bad.  I had screwed up Edward’s plans.

“Jazz, stop.  You cannot blame yourself for everything that happened here tonight.  No one got hurt and we will just be in St. Paul a little earlier then planned,” Edward said.

I nodded, _‘Sorry can’t seem to help it at the moment.’_

We hunted deer, not my first choice but they were plentiful in the area west of Milwaukee.  As we hunted Edward told me about the first time he had encountered humans after his change.  He had told me that it had happened during a hunting trip.  As they were scouting out the area he and Carlisle had come across a group of hikers.

“Carlisle wrestled me away from the area and eventually threw me face first into a creek.  I got water up my nose and my face was covered in mud, which woke me up from my bloodlust haze.  We were just lucky that the hikers thought it was a couple of bears fighting,” Edward said.

I could not help but laugh at the thought of Edward with a face full of mud.

We walked for hours laughing as Edward recounted stories of his and Carlisle many hunting trips.  Silence filled the air as Edward finished another hunting trip story.

“Thank you,” I said.  “What are you thanking me for this time?” Edward asked confused.

“For not giving up on me earlier today and for not letting me do something I would have regretted,” I said.

Edward stopped us and pulled me into a tight hug.

“I love you, Jazz.  I will always be there for you.”

“I love you too, Edward.”

 

We released each other and when we turned to continue our journey we realized we were on the outskirts of St. Paul.  I held onto Edward’s left hand.

“Are you ready?” I asked.

He looked at me and gave me a small smile.

“You know I will be by your side the whole time,” I said.

“I know.  I am still worried that he will send me away,” Edward whispered.

I pulled Edward into a tight hug and whispered into his ear, “It will be ok, I promise.”  I finally gave Edward a ‘nudging’ of confidence to help.

“Thanks, Jazz,” Edward smiled.

We ran the last few miles to the house and slowed when we emerged from the clearing.  There were a few lights glowing on the first level of the home.  It was a small two story farm house painted white with green shutters and a large wrap around porch.  It was set in a clearing surrounded on three sides by the forest; the front of the house was open to a large lake.

I gave Edward’s hand an encouraging squeeze as we reached the front door.  Edward looked at me before releasing my hand.  I nodded further encouragement.  He stepped forward and knocked on the door, and then stepped back.  I saw him drop his head and close his eyes.  I felt waves of nervousness and small spikes of panic rolling off of him.  I did my best to send him waves of calm, but it seemed to have little effect on him.  I could hear movement within the house.  There were two distinctive sets of foot steps.  One was soft and delicate, most likely Esme.  The second set was also soft but sounded firmer, most likely Carlisle.  They grew slightly louder as they near the door, the difference in sound would have been unnoticeable to human ears.

The door opened and there stood a young looking male vampire with blonde hair and golden eyes.  Standing immediately behind him was a beautiful female vampire with brownish hair and golden eyes.  Her frame was delicate and her face gave her a motherly glow.  I took in their emotions which at first were guarded and as their eyes fell upon Edward there was shock.

Edward looked up when he heard Esme gasp behind Carlisle, “Edward!”


	3. Prodigal

Chapter Three: Prodigal

“I am sorry . . . so sorry.” Edward choked out as he started sobbing in Esme’s arms.

“It’s okay dear. You are home now,” Esme said.

Edward’s emotions were a kaleidoscope of feelings ranging from sorrow and pain to respect and love. Esme’s emotions were a mirror of Edward’s, but with a large amount of relief. This was a touching moment of a mother and son reuniting. I felt almost like I was intruding on a private moment.

Carlisle slowly stepped forward and placed a hand on Edward’s shoulder, “Welcome home son.”

Edward reluctantly released Esme from their hug and turned toward his creator, his father. “I do not deserve to be called your son, not after the way I behaved and the things I said to you.”

I could feel the calm compassionate flowing from Carlisle. There was also in the background feelings of forgiveness and joy.

“Edward looked at me,” Carlisle spoke softly.

I watched as Edward slowly raised his golden eyes to meet Carlisle’s eyes. I smiled as I felt the joy flowing more freely from Carlisle, which I attributed to Edward’s golden eyes.

“We cannot change the past, but the future is what we make of it,” Carlisle’s voice was soft, but sincere.

“I came here to ask for your forgiveness, even though I am undeserving of it. You are right, Carlisle. Every life is a precious gift and I had no right to do the horrible things I have done. They may have all been criminals, but I had no right to play God,” Edward spoke softly and slowly.

Carlisle squeezed Edward’s shoulder and spoke softly, “Sometimes the most difficult lesson that life teaches are the ones that we must learn on our own. Those are the lessons that make us stronger and more determined in the end.”

I was shocked. I had expected Carlisle to be upset by Edward’s admission to killing humans. I knew that Carlisle was compassionate from what Edward had told me, but I still had the image of him as a leader of a coven. He truly spoke as a father and not the leader of a coven.

“I have done a lot of things I regret. Even if I live a thousand years I will never be able to give back the lives I have taken. I cannot live that way anymore. I want to follow you. I want to follow your example. I am prepared to get down on my knees and beg you to take me back if I must,” Edward pleaded. The pain was evident in his voice as his spoke, but there was also the distinct sound of determination as well.

Carlisle pulled Edward into a tight hug. There would be no begging; Edward had been accepted. I was reveling in the emotions pour from both Carlisle and Esme. Even Edward’s emotions were now taking on the joy and happiness as his mind slowly came to realize that Carlisle was welcoming him back home.

This was all new to me. I urged Edward to return to Carlisle and promised to be there to support him. This was not the way I expect their reunion to unfold. I had expected it would take a lot of convincing to gain Carlisle’s forgiveness. I think it was in this moment that I realized that this was not a coven of vampires, but a family bounded by their choice. A choice which I was slowly learning brought them in touch with their human side. I realized as the feelings of pain, sorrow, guilt and hurt were washed away by the feelings of happiness, joy and relief that this is what I truly wanted. I wanted to be part of a family. I wanted to be part of this family. 

Edward finally broke the hug with Carlisle.

“Thank you,” Edward whispered with a smile.

We all stood there for a moment before Esme spoke up, “Are you going to introduce us to your friend?”

“Sorry,” Edward said as he grabbed my hand and pulled me to his side.

“Carlisle, Esme, this is Jasper Whitlock. Jasper, this is my father Carlisle” - Edward said tentatively look to Carlisle, as if asking permission to call him father again. Carlisle smiled brightly - “and this is my mother Esme.”

“It is a pleasure to meet you, sir and ma’am,” I said, my southern accent seeping through I had been trying to hide it from Edward these past couple of weeks. I did not like my accent. It reminded me too much of my past.

“Welcome to the family,” Esme said as she pulled me into a hug.

I was shocked by this; I had not expected to be welcome into their family so quickly or easily. I was elated at prospect of being part of this family, but I was also terrified that this could all change when they learned of my past. Carlisle welcomed me with a simple, but firm hand shake.

“Let us go inside. There is much for us to talk about,” Carlisle said.

Esme led the way back into the house. We all followed her in with Carlisle bring up the rear. Edward and I set our backpacks by the entrance before following Esme into the sitting room. Edward led us over to one of the sofas. We sat across from Esme, and Carlisle joined her a moment later.

I took a moment to admire the room decor. It was simple yet stylish. The color plate was pale giving the room a soft gentle feel. Along the far wall were numerous book shelves that were filled to capacity. I made a mental note to check out what books they had. The wall to our left held several paintings of various sizes, the largest of which caught my attention. It pictured four men, three of which seem to be painted as if they were Gods, the forth resembled Carlisle. I made a note to ask Edward about it later. The wall to our right and behind us held several large windows that look out onto the forest that surrounded most of the house.

Carlisle’s voice brought my attention back from admiring the room. “I. . . We are very happy to have you back, Edward. It just has not been the same around here without you. Please do not misunderstand my question. We are happy you are home, but I am curious as to what prompted your return?” Carlisle spoke softly.

I did not need my empathic abilities to see what was clearly written in Carlisle’s eyes. There was deep sadness in them and what I could only assume was wonder at what he could have done differently. Edward’s head dropped forward slightly at this and he leaned in toward me seeking comfort. I was acutely aware of Carlisle watching us closely. I wanted to reach out and wrap Edward in my arms and tell him everything was ok now. Instead I settled for placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. Edward smiled crookedly at me before turning his attention to Carlisle.

“There were many things over the last few months that were prompting my return. I missed you and Esme, but was afraid to face you. I missed our discussions, but I feared you would not wish to speak to me again.”

Edward slowly raised his head as I moved my hand to rub his back gently. “I was also very angry with myself. I had become the very monster I had accused you of changing me into. It was then I realized I had done that to myself. If I had listened to your teachings and not given into temptation that monster would have been locked away forever.”

Edward looked away, out the windows to our right. He stared off into the black of night as if look back at his past.

Edward’s revelation sparked a sudden fear in me. If Edward had not left Carlisle and Esme then I may never have met him. I would still be wandering the night looking for my next victim or . . . I stopped that train of thought. Edward did not need to know what I had considered doing.

“Each time I tried to return I would get as far as Chicago and turn back around. This continued for the last six months and each time I would stay a little longer in Chicago. I had been there about a month, this last time, when I ran into Jasper. That was two weeks ago.”

Edward turned and looked at me. His eyes held a great deal of love, devotion and thanks. “After only talking to Jasper for a few hours I had poured out all my troubles and hurts. We were both struggling. We still are in some ways, with who and what we are. We connected on several levels because of our mutual struggles. He convinced me to come back. I had told him a little about you and he used that knowledge to make me see that I was allowing my fears to keep me from happiness.”

“How did you two meet?” Esme asked. She was smiling proudly at me for having returned her son.

“He tackled me to the ground and tried to eat me,” I dead panned. It was silent for only a moment. Edward’s face looked completely mortified. Esme’s was shocked and Carlisle was trying unsuccessfully not to laugh.

“You do know he is a vampire?” Carlisle snickered.

“Yes,” Edward said while pinching the bridge of his nose. If he were human he would be bright red.

‘Uh oh,’ I thought.

I probably should not have done that. “In Edward’s defense I was having some rather un-gentlemen like thoughts about how to injure my creator. You would have to know her to understand why,” I said quickly.

“I see,” Carlisle said seriously.

“Jasper is not normally a violent person, at least not in the two weeks I have known him. If you know the things his creator forced him to do you would likely not be pleased,” Edward added.

Carlisle looked at me for a long moment before speaking again, “You were in the southern wars, were you not?”

I nodded, “How did you know?”

“Luckily guess, but your accent gave me a clue. I am aware of the southern wars and the things some coven leaders do to maintain control. I am sorry that you had to go through that,” Carlisle said softly.

“I survived,” I said simply. I dropped my hands on my lap staring blankly at them.

“How long? I mean, how long were you involved in those wars?” Carlisle asked.

“More than sixty years,” I replied.

“I am impressed, not many vampires would have lasted even half as long as you have.”

“Most do not last much past their first year.”

“Yes, I have heard that.”

“Jasper and I were having similar difficulties when we met. We were both alone and depressed. Jasper is gifted, which is one of the reasons he survived so long,” Edward explained. I was thankful for him changing the subject. I was still not comfortable with speaking of my past.

Carlisle’s face lit up with curiosity at the mention of me being gifted.

“I am able to sense and manipulate the emotions of people around me. I feel a person’s emotions as if they are my own. There are, however, limits on what I can manipulate. For instance I would not be able to change how you feel for Esme or the love you all share as a family. Intense and deeply rooted emotions are beyond my ability to change. I would not be able to make people fall into or out of love. I also cannot change the emotions of fear and terror a person has when they are dying,” I ended in a whisper.

“I think I understand a little of what you have been through, Jasper. I am sure that is only scratching the surface of what must have been a very hard existence for you,” Carlisle said. I could hear the compassion in his voice.

“My past is not a subject I enjoy speaking about. It has left me with many scars, both physical and emotional. I have not even told Edward everything that I have been through. I honestly do not know if I ever will have the strength to share all those memories.”

“You only need to share what you wish and only when you are ready to share it with us. Edward seems to have placed a great deal of trust in you and so do I,” Carlisle spoke.

“Thank you. I will not betray that trust.”

“How are you adjusting to the change?” Carlisle asked.

“It is much harder then I imaged, but Edward has been very supportive,” I said, giving Edward a smile.

“Jasper is not giving himself enough credit. He was able to keep control and walk away from temptation,” Edward praised.

“It was a lot harder then he is making it out to be,” I added.

“May I ask what happened?” Esme queried.

“Edward and I went to a park in Milwaukee. Christmas is not a holiday I have celebrated since I was human. Edward wanted us to start a new tradition. There was a small event at a nearby park with Christmas caroling, sleigh rides and other activities. I was enjoying the emotional atmosphere, which I think is one of the reasons Edward chose to take me there.” My tone darkened as I remembered the little boy I almost killed.

“There was a young boy, I think he was about ten. He was lost and could not find his mother. He had grabbed hold of my hand asking for help. I was not expecting anyone to get close to us. I could feel the blood pumping through the veins in his hand and his smell . . .” I paused and looked away from everyone in the room. I was feeling very uncomfortable at the moment.

“Jasper realized what was happening and stopped himself from breathing. He called out in his mind for help. I was listening to the caroling and did not hear the boy when he approached. He was holding Jazz’s hand and asking for his mommy.”

Edward reached down and held my right hand.

“I took in Jazz’s thoughts and expressions and knew he was fighting it. I took the boy’s hand and moved him so that he was in front of me. Jazz was still fighting it while I tried to get the boy to tell me what his mother looked like, hoping he would recall a memory of her to make finding her easier,” Edward paused.

“I told Jazz he needed to leave and he managed to get himself out of the park and away from the temptation, while I took the boy to his mother who was just around the corner,” Edward finished.

“You left out a part,” I accused.

“What part was that?” Edward asked innocently.

‘You are so not innocent.’ I thought which caused Edward to smirk.

“The part where you elbowed me in the stomach.”

“Edward!” Esme admonished.

“What? It was necessary. He needed to clear his head and the wind had changed direction,” Edward defended himself.

“It hurt too,” I pouted. I was playing it up trying to earn sympathy points with Esme. Internally I was smiling at how well it was working. Carlisle, however, was just shaking his head.

“Would you like me to kiss it and make it all better?” Edward joked.

“It seems your manners have been lacking lately,” Esme commented.

“Edward has been behaving as a proper gentleman,” I paused. “Except for the time he tackled me. Oh and the time he elbowed me in the stomach and the time he hit me with a snow ball,” I added with a smiled.

“Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, you were raised better then that,” Esme said. She was not really angry. She was actually giving off playful waves.

‘Was she teasing?’ I thought.

“But mom, he threw one at me first,” Edward whined.

Esme smiled unable to keep her serious face any longer. I could not help it and started laughing. Carlisle smiled on happily.

“It would seem that you handled that situation very well, Jasper. I am impressed by your ability to resist and having the mental strength to know Edward could help you,” Carlisle complimented.

“Thank you, sir,” I said, rather embarrassed.

I did not like being the center of attention. I much preferred hiding out in the wings and letting others have the spotlight. Edward was smiling brightly at me. He looked at me as if I were the center of his universe. I was vaguely aware of Carlisle and Esme still being in the room, but my mind was much too busy focusing on Edward. How I wanted to kiss his lips and hold him in my arms at this moment, but we were not alone.

Carlisle cleared his throat, which brought us both quickly out of our mental musings. I knew that Edward and I were being much too careless with our affection for each other. Two men being in love with each other was not an accepted norm in society. I was now feeling unease about this situation and possible ramifications. Carlisle and Esme were both calm, while Edward and I were filled with unease.

Edward turned his attention to Carlisle and it appeared they were having an unspoken conversation. Carlisle’s facial expressions and moods did not change, but I did see Edward nod or shake his head several times during the silent exchange.

Carlisle turned his attention to me. “Jasper, it seems to me that Edward and you share some sort of connection. I do have my suspicions and Edward is reluctant to share further details without your permission,” I looked to Edward for confirmation.

“We do not need to say anything if you would prefer to wait, but I believe that everything will be fine,” Edward whispered to me, but I was sure Carlisle and Esme could hear him clearly.

I took in Carlisle’s emotions to see where this conversation might be headed. I was surprised to see that he was still calm, but there was also a lot of curiosity in the background. Esme’s emotions were of no help with decide how to proceed, because she was confused. Thankfully my vampire mind works much faster then a human mind.

If I gave my permission then Edward and I could tell Carlisle and Esme about our connection, as Carlisle called it. If Carlisle and Esme were accepting then I could be affectionate with Edward here in our home. If they were not accepting then they would send us away and that would break Edward’s heart and mine. If we said nothing then we would have to hide that did not sound appealing. There was also the risk that if we hid we would be discovered and that could go badly for us.

If we were discovered there could be a huge fight. Edward might let his temper get the better of him and say something he would regret later. We have to leave and Edward might blame me for losing his family. He would end up hating me and I would be all alone again.

‘Knock it off with all the what ifs!’

‘Shut up!’

‘Smart, Jasper. Telling yourself to shut up.’

‘Ugh, not helping!’

‘Stop acting like a pussy and man up Major!’

I heard snickering beside me and realized that Edward was paying far too much attention to my thoughts. 

‘Annoying mind reading vampire’ I thought.

Edward continued to snicker beside me. ‘You are not helping!’

Edward stopped snickering and turned serious. “Sorry, Jazz.”

“You two need to kiss and make up. I dislike seeing my boys upset,” Esme said. Both Edward and I whipped our heads around to look at Esme. 

“Oh, please. I am a mother. Do you really think I would not suspect something when my son brings home a ‘friend’ who he met two weeks ago? Who, he is currently sitting so close too that there is not even room for a sheet of paper between the two of you. Oh and the looks you two give each other, like you are the center of each other’s universe also gave it away,” Esme smirked.

I was stunned, so was Edward. I had been paying attention to Carlisle the whole time, worried that he would figure it out first, that I had not been paying close attention to Esme. When had she figured it out? Thinking a few steps ahead my mind took in Carlisle and Esme’s moods. I was pleasantly surprised to find that they were both happy. I let out the breath I was unknowingly holding. I was speechless. 

‘Not like that happens often.’

‘Shut up.’

“You boys can relax. Esme and I are not going to kick you out or be upset. I am, however, curious to know when this happened?” Carlisle spoke. 

“When we first met, there was a spark between the two of us when Jasper helped me off the ground,” Edward spoke. 

“Amazing, so you both felt it?” Carlisle asked. I nodded, still no able to form words.

“I have heard of this happening, but it is extremely rare between male vampires,” Carlisle explained.

“We were not sure what it meant, at least not at first,” Edward said.

“I remember a book that Aro had in his library that held a great deal of information on vampire mating. Most of it does not apply here, but there were a few passages that did discuss relationships between same sex vampires. They are rare, but they have happened throughout vampire history.”

“Was there any reference to what caused it?” Edward asked.

“Only one of the passages spoke about the cause, but even then it was only a guess. In that instance it appeared that the two vampires were struggling with some issues, which was never discussed in the passage. I always meant to ask Aro about it, but never got around to it,” Carlisle replied.

“What happened to the two vampires?” Edward asked.

“They were killed a long time ago during the vampire wars between the Romanians and the Volutri,” Carlisle answered.

Finally finding my voice, “Perhaps this happened because of our mutual struggle with feeding on humans.”

“That is a possibility, yes,” Carlisle said.

“Does that mean when we overcome that struggle we will lose this connection?” I asked.

“No, that is unlikely. When vampires change, it is a permanent change. Something very dramatic would have to happen to change that, and even then you would not be able to stop loving each other,” Carlisle answered.

I would love Edward forever. There were no words to describe how happy this made me feel. I know that vampires cannot sleep, but these last two weeks seemed like an impossible dream that I was about to wake up from; especially after more than sixty-years of living in pure hell.

“I think we should let you boys get settled. I also need to leave to make my rounds at the hospital. We will talk more when I return,” Carlisle said. Carlisle kissed Esme on the cheek before heading out the door.


	4. First Move

Chapter 4: First Move

I was lying on my back on the sofa in our bedroom. Edward was lying partially on top of me with his head resting upon my chest. We were having a nice quiet relaxing evening just enjoy each other’s company, while also listening to music being played upon Edward’s gramophone. I had my right arm wrapped around Edward, and fingers traced up and down his side.

The fingers of Edward’s right hand were intertwined with the fingers of my left hand, and his thumb traced circles in the palm. The emotions in the room were light and happy. I was absorbing them like a sponge. My eyes were closed and a crocked smile played upon my lips.

I was completely comfortable and enjoying this immensely.

‘I could surely get use to feeling like this every day,’ I thought.

“Me too,” Edward whispered.

Edward’s thumb stopped making circles on my left palm for just a moment before resuming.

“Come in Carlisle,” Edward called in his normal voice.

I had heard Carlisle footsteps outside our bedroom door only seconds before Edward called out to him. I thought about sitting up, but Edward moved his right hand to my chest and applied pressure. I took this to mean he wanted me to stay in this position.

The door opened and Carlisle entered the room, “I hope I am not disturbing the two of you?”

“You are not interrupting. We were just listening to some music,” Edward replied.

“I will only take a moment of your time. Esme and I had discussed moving on from here a few weeks before you returned. I believe now maybe the best time to move before the humans here become suspicious.”

“I had planned to speak to you about this in the morning. While Jasper and I were out shopping a few days ago, I picked up on some thoughts regarding you. Nothing too serious or to worry about, but it would be best if we move on soon,” Edward replied.

“Esme and I had discussed moving to Rochester, New York. I did speak with the Chief of Staff at Rochester General Hospital, and they are in need of a surgeon,” Carlisle added.

Edward opened his eyes and looked up at me to see my opinion. I simply shrugged. Rochester was plenty far away from Maria. I missed Texas, but not enough to risk crossing paths with that sher09;devil.

“No objections here,” Edward answered.

“I will speak with Esme, and her and I will likely head out to Rochester tomorrow. I would like to find us a house outside of the city and speak with the Chief of Staff again to finalize the position.”

“What would you like Jasper and me to do while you are away?” Edward asked.

“If you would begin packing our belongings that would speed up the move. Also when I return, you and I will need to transfer your inheritance and my savings to a bank in New York.”

Edward perked up suddenly and turned his attention to Carlisle. “I still have some of my inheritance left?” Edward asked in a surprised tone.

“Yes, Edward. I always hoped that you would return. I took the advice you gave me and moved your investments and mine into safer holdings. I did not want you to lose what your parents had left you.”

“Thank you, Carlisle. I honestly did not expect any of it to be left.”

“You are welcome, Edward. I should leave you two to your music,” Carlisle said before leaving the room.

Edward laid his head back down onto my chest and closed his eyes. The only time we moved the rest of the night was to change the record.

Carlisle and Esme left in the early morning hours after having gone hunting. They took the train out to Rochester and promised to be back in a few days. Edward called a local transfer company shortly after business opening. We were able to secure moving supplies and the company would pick up and transfer our belongings to Rochester.

We spent the next several hours preparing items to be boxed up for the move. I was helping Edward to take down Carlisle’s paintings, and took the opportunity to ask about the larger one. The painting depicted four men, three of which were obviously vampires based on the red of their eyes and a fourth man who appeared to have gold eyes. “Is that Carlisle?”

“Yes, the other three are Aro, Marcus and Caius. They are the leaders of the Volturi,” Edward replied.

“Why are they painted almost god like?”

“Solimena, the artist who painted them, thought them to be gods.”

The Volturi is like the royal family of the vampire world. They kept, and enforced, our laws. I had learned a great deal of respect for them. “Was Carlisle a member of the Volturi guard?”

“Not exactly. Aro was fascinated by Carlisle’s choices. His refusal to feed on humans, his desire to study medicine, and his compassion were not things normally found among vampires. Aro enjoys learning and collecting ‘histories’ as he calls them.”

“Histories?”

“Knowledge about vampires from around the world. Aro wants to know anything and everything. He views knowledge as power, which is why Aro is the true leader of the Volturi. Most believe that the power among the three brothers is shared equally, but it is not. Aro always makes the final call.”

“Why did Carlisle leave them?”

“Carlisle’s compassion annoyed Caius. He tends to be the one who lets his bloodlust and eagerness for ‘justice’ consume him. He cares only about maintaining control with an iron fist. Marcus is… well bored, and he could careless about what happens. Aro is somewhere in the middle, but he wants power.”

“So he left them because Caius was annoyed with him?”

“Not exactly, Caius tried to trick Carlisle into feed upon humans. Carlisle, however, had a great deal of self control and even Caius was not able to break him. Carlisle realized he needed to move on, that he would not find what he was looking for with the Volturi. Aro of course was disappointed; he had hoped that Carlisle might one day join Marcus, Caius and him in leading the Volturi. Carlisle did have some power with the Volturi guard.”

“In what way?”

“Carlisle was greatly respected by Aro and had his favor. This provided Carlisle with a great deal of latitude. No one wants to upset Aro. While Caius may let his bloodlust consume him, it is Aro who is the most dangerous of all of them. Carlisle has never spoken to me of how much influence he had in the Volturi, but I have seen several items that he keeps from his time there.”

I was even more curious now to speak with Carlisle about his time with the Volturi. I was unsure if he would share any of those memories with me, but I intended to one day ask him.

“I am sure that he will share with you, at least what he has shared with me. Carlisle is not one to keep secrets, but I have never found the opportunity to ask him about the items he keeps. I have seen a medallion with the Volturi crest and a cloak that is black.”

I knew from what I had learned of the Volturi that only the leadership possessed black cloaks. Edward did not comment on my thoughts, instead he continued to help me prepare most of the family’s belongings for the move. We were taking most items, but several of the large pieces of furniture were staying and would be donated or sold with the house.

Working at vampire speed for most of the day helped to quickly complete our task of packing. Only when we handled the paintings and a few of the older bookcases did we take our time to make sure no damage was done to the items.

I had just finished with packing up the last of the books, and was placing the last box in the sitting room when Edward came in and wrapped his arms around his waist. “I was thinking we could go hunting now that we are finished packing,” Edward said.

I leaned into Edward and he rested his chin on my left shoulder. “Hunting sounds like an excellent suggestion.”

While vampires rarely feel tired, my mind was exhausted from the tediousness of packing. I had a feeling this would be one of my less enjoyable activities in the coming years. Returning to the thought of hunting reminded me of my thirst. It had been four days since the last time I hunted. While this was not uncommon in my nomad days, it was a little disconcerting. I was trying to maintain control and not hurt anyone. That required me to hunt more often to maintain a certain level of control.

“There is not much choice as far as animals in the area, but there should be plenty of deer,” Edward added.

I made a face of mild disgust at the suggestion of deer. “I suppose that will have to do,” I said.

Deer was my least favorite prey to hunt, but they would suffice to help maintain my control. We untangled from our embrace and head out the back door, and into the forest. We found a small herd of deer to the east. “I think we are in a safe zone,” I said, after checking for humans.

“We are in the clear,” Edward confirmed.

Edward gave himself over to his instincts. His body moved with grace and agility as he followed the scent of the deer. I followed a short distance behind Edward keeping alert. I watched as Edward leaped with the grace of a lion onto the back of the buck taking it down quickly. I heard the deer’s neck snap as Edward’s teeth sunk into it.

I launched myself at the largest doe as the herd began to scatter. The remaining deer fled, their instinct telling them they were in danger. Edward and I drained our prey, and then disposed of the remains.

“Do you want to try and find those deer that scattered or are you done?”

“I am still thirsty. We should be able to track those deer down easily,” I replied.

I ranged out with my senses and gave myself over to my instincts. The scent was strong and unexpected, but the promise of it quenching the burn in my throat sent my mind into a frenzy. Before I could react to the new smell, my body was hurled backwards into the ground.

“NO!” I heard Edward growl.

I felt his weight quickly on my body, holding me to the ground. My mind registered that the scent must be human, but I was too far gone to regain control. I felt Edward’s rightr09;hand slam into my jaw and close my mouth; it also covered my nose and prevented me from breathing. I struggled against him, and tried to fight him off.

Edward was struggling to hold me down, but was managing to counter every move I made to push him off of me so that I could get to the sweet smell. My body was desperate to get at the smell and the promise it held.

The more I fought against Edward the more my survival instincts kicked in and my mind forgot momentarily about the scent.

‘Edward?’ I thought horrified.

“Jazz, stop fighting me,” Edward growled.

I immediately went limp and felt completely ashamed.

“Relax, Jazz. You did not do anything wrong,” Edward said.

“I could have killed someone,” I said ashamed, looking away from Edward.

“Jazz, that could have easily been me. You had better not start this selfr09;loathing bullshit, either. Look at me, Jasper.”

“I could have hurt you, Edward . . .” – Edward interrupted me, “Jasper! I will not let you put yourself down. You have been doing an amazingly well. Mistakes happen, stop bringing yourself down. It was your instincts in control, not your mind.”

“Fine!” I said in an angry tone.

“No, not fine! Knock it off Jasper. I am not going to let you beat yourself up. You have been on this new diet for less then a month. You did not hurt anyone.”

I pushed Edward off of me, and stood up. I turned walking away from Edward with my head down. I was ashamed and horrified by what could have happened. I had never felt so weak before.

“Jazz, I love you. Please don’t give up.”

I stopped, and felt like I wanted to cry. How could Edward possibly love someone like me? I felt Edward tentatively place a hand on my back.

“I love you because you have a good heart, Jasper. You are a strong person, and you are trying to do the hardest thing anyone can possibly attempt. You are trying to go against your very nature, and that takes strength.”

I slowly turned to face Edward, keeping my head down. Edward pulled me into a tight hug, “Please don’t give up, Jazz. I know you will success if you just have faith in yourself, and stop beating yourself up.”

“I am sorry. I am not use to feeling weak . . .” – Edward opened his mouth to interrupt me, but I continued on – “I am use to being the strongest fighter, the superior leader, and the best strategist. This challenge is far greater then I imaged. I am not giving up, but I am not use to feeling this way. I just do not know how to react, and I do not want to let anyone down.”

“You are not letting anyone down, Jazz. We all know that this is a hard choice, but we also know it is worth it. We all support each other, which is how we succeed.”

I knew Edward was right, but my mind was not use to thinking that way. It would take time for my mind to stop fighting against the thought of relying on others. I relied only on myself for more then sixty years. I did not know how to rely on others, or maybe I was just scared to let go of that control I felt I had.

“Let’s finish hunting and head back home,” Edward suggested. I nodded my agreement and we went off in search of more deer. I was not into the hunt as much after my little episode and stopped after finishing off another deer.

We completed our move to Rochester a month later. We were now waiting in the bank lobby of First Central Bank of Rochester. Carlisle and Edward were setting up two bank accounts that we would use for spending money. Most of our investments were being handled by Chase Manhattan in New York City, or First Chicago.

Edward had insisted that I also be listed on his account. I did not feel comfortable about that, but did it anyway to please Edward. I would do just about anything if it made Edward happy.

“I will remember that,” Edward said.

‘I have no doubt that you will,’ I thought.

Carlisle and Esme had found a modest sized house on the outskirts of Rochester overlooking a beautiful bay. The nearby forest touched the edge of our property and went on into the mountains that surround part of Rochester.

The house had two levels plus an attic. There were two out buildings on the property, one of which we turned into a garage for Carlisle and Edward’s automobiles. Carlisle had recently purchased a brand-new Mercedesr09;Benz 770 (Series 1 W07). Edward had also purchased an Audi Front UW 220. These cars seemed a bit flashy considering the economic depression, so Esme had insisted that we also purchased a Cadillac Vr09;16. This car was more fitting with something a successful young, looking, surgeon would likely own.

Carlisle and Esme were much too young to truly play the role of our parents. Before the move it was decided that Edward who had similar features as Esme would play her younger brother, and I would play Carlisle’s younger brother.

“Dr. Cullen, Mr. Cullen and Mr. Masen, Mr. Hale will see you now.” We were lead to a small office where a nicely dressed human male sat waiting for us. Mr. Hale, as his name plate said, stood to greet us. “Dr. Cullen, Mr. Cullen, and Mr. Masen. Welcome to First Central Bank of Rochester. How many I assist you today?”

I tuned out of the conversation at that point. Financial matters were not something that interested me. Edward is the financial brains of the family. He had successfully invested Carlisle and his own money and had made huge returns. Other then when asked to signed my name, remembering to sign Jasper Cullen, I continued to ignore the conversation.

Only when Royce King II, the son of the bank’s owner appeared to greet us, did I pay a bit more attention. It appeared that we were now one of the bank’s major clients. “Dr. Cullen, it is a pleasure to meet you. I am Royce King II, my father is the bank’s owner. If there is anything, we can do for you please let us know.”

“Thank you, Mr. King. It is a pleasure to do business with you. Mr. Hale has been extremely helpful,” replied Carlisle.

“I will leave you then in Mr. Hale’s capable hands. Good day Gentlemen,” Royce said in parting.

We completed our business at the bank and head back out to Carlisle’s Mercedes. “Royce is an arrogant little prick,” Edward said as we got into the car.

“Edward?” Carlisle said shocked.

“Sorry, but he is and I do not like him,” Edward continued.

“What is wrong with Royce?” I asked.

“He’s arrogant, rich and smug about it,” Edward said.

‘I know an arrogant, rich person too.’ I thought jokingly.

“You did not just compare me to Royce,” Edward said, while turning around in the front seat to look at me.

“You are much more handsome,” I winked.

Carlisle chuckled quietly from the driver’s seat.

“I still do not like him. I just get some bad vibes from the tenure of his thoughts,” Edward commented.

“What do you mean,” I asked?

“It is hard to describe but his mind feels dark and reminds me of some of the human monsters I once hunted,” Edward replied.

“Has he done anything to harm any other humans,” Carlisle asked?

“No, and I honestly hope he does not. I have seen some horrible things that humans do to each other. It makes me angry to think about it,” Edward answered.

“He has done nothing wrong. If he does, the human authorities will deal with it,” Carlisle said.

Somehow I was not so sure about that. The Kings had money and lots of it. Money tended to be able to keep the rich from paying for their crimes. I had no doubt that if Royce King II ever did anything wrong that his daddy would pay to cover it up, and quickly.

We drove home only stopping once for Carlisle to fuel the vehicle. He was taking Esme to New York City for the weekend. They were planning on taking in a Broadway show and seeing the sites. I started reciting battlefield manuals while also thinking back to the conversation I had with Esme that led to their New York trip.

Esme was out in her flower garden tending to the various flowers and plants.

 

“Excuse me, Esme,” I said.

 

“Ah, Jasper. What can I do for you, dear?”

 

How do you tell your ‘mother’ that you want the house to yourself for a weekend so you and your boyfriend can be intimate? They sure do not teach that in school.

 

“Jasper, why are you so nervous?”

 

‘Oh crap!’ I thought.

 

I was projecting my feelings without being aware of it.

 

“Sorry Esme. This is very awkward for me,” My voice trembled slightly as I reigned in my feelings.

 

“This by chance would not have to do with you feeling frustrated and lustful after returning from your hunting trips with Edward, would it?” Esme asked.

 

‘No!’ I thought horrified.

 

I wanted to crawl under a rock and die of embarrassment. I hid my face in my hands praying for this moment to pass. I felt a hand on my back a moment later and an apologetic Esme standing beside me.

 

“I am sorry, Jasper. I did not mean to embarrass you,” Esme spoke.

 

“It is okay, Esme. I do wish you had said something sooner about me projecting my feelings. I would have tried harder to keep that in check,” I said.

 

“What? And miss out on all the extra fun that Carlisle and I had because of it?” Esme grinned.

 

‘Ugh.’ I need to find a bigger rock to crawl under now. Esme and Carlisle are supposed to be like parents to me. No child wants to hear about their parents’ sex life!

 

“Please do not be embarrassed, Jasper. Vampires, I have learned are very sexual creatures. I do have to say that I am quite surprised to learn that Edward and you have not been active in that way. Especially consider the amount of lust you have been projecting.”

 

“We have wanted to wait for the right time. We want our first time together to be something special,” I said.

 

“I see. Have you put any thought into that?”

 

“I have, which is why I came to speak with you.”

 

“I will help if I can.”

 

“I was hoping to get some time along with Edward. At first I thought perhaps I could take him to a hotel and have a romantic weekend away. However, I do not have the funds to provide such a weekend. I also did not feel comfortable asking Carlisle for money, and asking Edward would only raise questions.”

 

“How much do you need?” Esme asked.

 

“No, no. That’s not why I am here. I could not ask you for money for this either. I was hoping that perhaps you might be able to help me get a weekend alone with Edward here.”

 

“Yes, I think, I maybe able to help you. Carlisle mentioned wanting to see a stage musical on Broadway. I am quite certain I can convince him to make it a weekend trip,” Esme smiled.

Carlisle of course was eager to make the trip. He had made reservations at Hotel Warwick (The Warwick New York) which was located on 54th street and near many of the major midtown attractions.

We arrived back home a short while later. Edward and I were planning to go hunting this evening, and then return here for a quiet evening. Edward still had now idea what I was planning. I had learned how to block him in the last few weeks. While doing so usually required a bit of concentration, the annoyance I got from Edward was worth it.

“Jasper, would you join me in my study for a moment,” Carlisle said upon exiting the car.

“I am going to change so we can go hunting. I will meet with you afterward,” Edward said. I nodded and followed Carlisle into the house and down to his study.

“Have a seat, Jasper,” Carlisle said. I sat down in one of the two chairs in front of Carlisle’s desk, while he walked around and took his usual seat behind it. Carlisle was slightly nervous which was not usual for the calm doctor.

“Carlisle is everything alright?” I asked concerned.

“Everything is fine, Jasper. I just wanted to talk to you for a moment. Please do not be upset, but Esme let slip that there was more to this weekend away,” Carlisle replied.

‘Oh please do not let this be what I think it is,’ I thought. Carlisle noticed that I looked uncomfortable and continued on quickly.

 

“I will make this quick. I know that you and Edward will become sexually active at some point and I want to be sure that you two were prepared for when that happens,” Carlisle continued.

‘Why me? And where was Edward! Ugh, this is so unfair!’ I thought, while sinking lower into the chair. I just closed my eyes and nodded, hoping for this to be over soon.

Carlisle quickly explained the mechanics and possible issues with intercourse between two men. I was horrified that I was actually having this discussion. I was a nearly ninety-year-old vampire sitting with my father figure having a discussion about sex.

“Well here you go and if you have any questions I am here,” Carlisle said handing me a jar.

I took the jar of Vaseline, “Is that all?” I asked embarrassed. Carlisle simply nodded and I was out of his office before he could change his mind.

‘That had to be the most embarrassing moment in all of my nearly ninety-years of existence,’ I thought.

I quickly changed and went to go find Edward. I met Esme by the back door of the house. “Jasper, Edward said he was going on ahead and that he would wait for you at the meadow,” Esme said.

“Thank you, Esme. Have a good time in New York with Carlisle,” I replied. I placed a quick kiss on Esme’s cheek as I headed out the door. I could not be upset with Esme, no matter how embarrassing that little episode had been. Esme was the most lovable and caring person I had ever met. Her motherly intuition could at times be a bit annoying, but she really did care for all of us.

I found Edward at our meadow. It was a small clearing located a few miles from the house that we had come across on one of our first hunting trips. Edward loved the wild flowers and the quiet of the location. We had spent a number of days here just enjoying each other’s company.

We were able to find several mountain lions to satisfy our needs. I was pleased with the larger number of predators in New York. Deer was still abundant here, but I did have a preference for the larger animals.

We returned to the meadow a few hours later. We were lying on the floor of the meadow. The lust rolling off of Edward and I was thick in the air. I was on my back with Edward on top of me grinding his hips into mine. Our lips were pressed together firmly and our hands explored each other’s body. I slid my hand down Edward’s back over his firm butt.

I let my mind wander. I was picturing it; Edward and I completely naked with him beneath me as I moved slowly and gently in and out of him. I was picturing myself making slowly, sweet and passionate love to him.

 

In a flash he was gone. “Edward,” I groaned!

‘You are giving me a serious case of blue balls,’ I thought annoyed.

I could hear him chuckling in the distance, which only served to annoy me more. I rose to my feet and started running back toward the house, the direction of Edward’s laughter. Esme and Carlisle would be gone by the time we got back to the house. I caught up to Edward after a mile.

“Ugh,” Edward groaned when he found me blocking my thoughts.

“Why are you doing that? You know how much that annoys me,” Edward complained.

“Yes, I know,” I grinned. I continued to recite battlefield manuals much to Edward’s annoyance.

“I promise you will find out soon what I am hiding.” I only had to hide my thoughts for a few more minutes. We would be home and I could show Edward what I had planned for us.

“Please, tell me,” Edward said, his eyes were smothering.

“That only works on humans, Edward.” I said, not affected by his attempt at persuasion.

“Patience love, I promise you will be rewarded,” I winked and took off toward the house as fast as I could run. I knew Edward would catch me soon, but I pushed myself harder. I made it to within a dozen feet of the stairs leading up to the back porch of the house before Edward knocked me to the ground.

“Got you,” Edward laughed!

“Now tell me what you are hiding,” I rolled onto my back and smiled up at Edward.

“I will do one better; if you let me up I will show you,” I countered.

Edward thought about this for just a few seconds before letting me up. I took Edward’s hand and led him into the house where we removed our shoes. I then led Edward to the base of the stair way leading to the second floor.

“Wait here,” I said. Edward gave me a quizzical look but did not protest.

I moved at vampire speed about the second floor finishing the last minute preparations while now reciting Calvary tactics. I lit the candles in the bathroom and filled the tub with hot water and adding the product to make the water foam. When the water had filled the tub to the appropriate level, I turned it off. I quickly stripped out of my clothing and sat in the hot water.

“Edward, you can come up now,” I called. I knew Edward would come to the bathroom since he could tell that was where my voice came from. I closed my eyes and just let my empathic ability reach out to take in his emotions when he entered the room.

Surprise was the first emotion that flowed from Edward as he entered the room. As Edward slowly took in the room, his emotions changed to admiration and love. “Jazz?”

“Join me? Please,” I requested. I kept my eyes closed and only used my ability to take in my surroundings. I heard Edward remove his clothing, and a moment later he was entering the water in front of me. I wrapped my arms around Edward as he laid his back against my chest.

“This is what you have been hiding from me?” Edward asked in a whisper.

 

“Part of what I have hidden,” I replied.

“What else have you been hiding?” Edward asked curiously.

I hesitantly spoke, “We are home alone for the weekend. If . . . If you are ready. I would like to show you how much I love you. I want to make love to you.”

“I would like that,” Edward whispered.

I felt Edward’s left hand slowly moving up my left thigh. His fingers lightly stroking the flesh sent sparks flowing up my thigh and right to my growing erection. I quickly grabbed Edward’s hand stopping the movement.

“Not so fast, big boy,” I said my voice full of lust.

I picked up the bar of soap and began to wash Edward’s chest. Edward leaned his head back and turned so that we could share a kiss. I moved my lips to his jaw and kissed up to his left ear, which I took between my lips and sucked gently on the soft flesh. I continued to wash Edward as I placed kisses on his neck and back. Edward took the soap from me as I finished, and began rubbing the soap across my chest. As Edward finished washing my body, I held him in my arms just enjoy the moment.

Edward closed his eyes and settled his back against my chest. I used my ability to place a calm mood in the air around us. I was nervous and so was Edward, but I was sure we were both ready for this next step.

“I am ready for you to make love to me, Jazz,” Edward said.

I watched as Edward rose from the tub. My eyes raking over the naked flesh of his back. My lust and need to feel his body against mine grew. Edward grabbed two towels holding one out for me.

I was well aware of Edward’s eyes on my backside when I bent over to pull the plug in the tub. I turned taking the towel Edward was holding out for me and began to dry his body with it. We kissed as I wiped the water from his firm, muscular body. Edward returned the favor, and dried the water from me.

I had already placed the jar of Vaseline that Carlisle had given me in our bedroom. I scooped Edward into my arms and flitted to our bedroom.

“In a hurry, are we?” Edward grinned.

“Just to kiss you again,” I smiled. Part of me was in a hurry to get off, but I also wanted to take my time and make this the best possible experience for Edward.

“For both of us,” Edward corrected.

 

“For both of us,” I agreed.

I laid Edward down on the bed and joined him. I cupped his face in my left hand before placing my lips against his sweet red lips. Both of us closed our eyes fully trusting the other. We gave our bodies over to our emotions. I could feel Edward’s pure love for me radiating from him as our kiss deepened. I could also feel his lust building with the duration of our kiss.

I moved my left hand down Edward’s body. I grazed his skin with the tips of my fingers feeling the tingling sensation of our connection where I touched his body. I rested my hand on his firm muscular butt. I pulled Edward to me grinding my hips into him. We both moan at the added friction between us.

I kissed up his Jaw to his right ear, then down his neck. I projected my love and lust for him causing Edward to moan into my ear.

“Oh Jazz!”

Edward’s ground his hips harder into mine. I could feel Edward’s ecstasy climbing higher quickly. I moved my hand to his hips stilling his movements. “Slow down, Edward, I promise it’ll be worth it.”

I calmed Edward’s excitement, but continued to lay kisses over every inch of his body. His hands moved to my head, and he ran his fingers through my blond curly hair as I kissed down his chest.

I paused when I reached his nipples. I kissed, licked, and sucked on each of them until they were fully erect. This elicited moans of pleasure from Edward as I teased the sensitive flesh. I continued down Edward’s body kissing his abs. I placed my right hand on Edward’s left thigh and stroked the flesh gently as I reached my goal.

Edward’s eyes were closed as I lifted my lips from Edward’s skin for just a moment before I licked from the base to the head of Edward’s fully erect and large penis. Edward’s eyes shot open and his lips released a moan of intense pleasure. Edward’s eyes met mine for a brief moment as I grinned up at him.

I took Edward into my mouth and felt his body tense as he moved his hands and gripped the bed sheets.

“OH FUCK!” Edward groaned out loudly.

I began to bob my head up and down on Edward’s manhood. I knew I was driving Edward to the peak of ecstasy. I moved my left hand to massage Edward’s balls. I send out a wave of intense ecstasy to Edward and his body tense. I gently squeezed his balls with my left hand and Edward’s penis became firmer for just a second before I felt him release into my mouth.

“JASPER!” Edward screamed.

I swallowed Edward’s seed as he released a copious amount into my mouth. I licked Edward clean as he came down from his sexual high. I moved up to Edward’s lips and kiss him passionately, allowing him to taste himself on my lips and tongue.

Edward took an unnecessary moment to rest. I wanted Edward to come down on his own before I made love to him.

“Edward, do you still want me to make love to you?” I asked. I wanted to be sure that this was what he wanted too.

“Yes, Jazz. I want you, more then ever.”

I reached for the jar of Vaseline. I shudder for a moment remembering how I knew this was necessary. Edward chuckled beside me as he pulled the memory from my thoughts.

“He really did that?”

“Yes,” I replied, shuddering at the memory.

Edward thankfully started kiss me pulling me out of my memory.

“You were going to make love to me,” Edward grinned.

I opened the jar, “Please tell me if I do anything to hurt you.”

“You won’t hurt me, Jazz.”

I slipped one lubed finger into Edward’s tight virgin hole, slowly as not to hurt him.

“Oh Fuck! What was that?” Edward asked.

“Did I hurt you?” I asked with worry.

“No, that felt amazing. Whatever you touched, it . . . it . . . felt . . . just wow.”

I slowly moved my finger back and then in again. “Right there,” Edward said as I grazed what I would later find out was his prostate.

“Oh, do that again,” Edward moaned.

I continued to prepare him, while paying attention to his sweet spot. After having stretched Edward enough to take three of my fingers I felt he was relaxed enough to continue. “Are you ready?” I asked.

“Yes. Make love to me, Jazz,” Edward replied.

I coated myself before placing the head of my penis against Edward’s entrance. I gently pushed forward as I slipped into the love of my life, of my existence.

Edward pulled my head down so he could kiss my lips when I was complete inside of him. He wrapped his legs around my waist and I gentle began to thrust into Edward.

I closed my eyes relishing the sensations. Edward was so tight and felt so good as I slid myself back and forth inside his body. My moans of pleasure joined Edward’s as we climbed slowly higher and higher in our sexual energy.

I wrapped my arms around Edward and sped my thrusting up. My lips kissed and sucked on the flesh of his neck, ears, jaw and his sweet red lips.

“Harder Jazz,” Edward groaned.

Edward moved his right hand to reach between us, but I stopped him.

“No, I will bring you to orgasm,” I said, holding his hands above his head. I attacked his lips with mine, as I drove myself harder and deep into Edward. Part of my mind made sure that I always grazed Edward’s sweet spot with each thrust.

I moved my right hand under Edward’s back and gripped his left shoulder. Releasing Edward’s other hand he wrapped his arms around my back. He stroked his fingers up and down my back before settling his right hand on my shoulder and his left on my butt.

“I love you, Edward,” I moaned.

I looked into Edward’s eyes, and they were pitch black with lust. My eyes reflecting back in his appeared to be the same.

“I love you, Jazz,” Edward said before I crushed his lips with mine. Edward’s right hand moved to the back of my head, gripping my hair and holding me pressed against his lips.

I soaked up all of Edward’s lust and ecstasy in that moment and just as I was about to release. I projected it back to him with mine. Edward groaned as I felt his body tense below mine. Edward tightened around my erection, and I felt his release hit my stomach and I drove my penis deep inside of him. I released his lips and threw my head back as I called out his name. I felt my body shudder as I released into Edward.

It felt like an eternity as we rode out the waves of sexual release. Finally I shuddered one last time before laying myself down onto Edward and wrapping my arms around him tightly. Edward wrapped his arms around me and we basked in our state of bliss.

I made love to Edward a half dozen more times that night. In the early morning hours I asked Edward to make love to me.

We did not leave the bed again until an hour before Carlisle and Esme returned at the end of the weekend.


End file.
